Star Trek: The Odyssey
by jAnon
Summary: "Tell me, Muse, of the ship of many ways, which was driven to far journeys."
1. dedication

Dedication

_for mazaher, lina, and frangar  
for black jack, clash, gabby, and taz  
for elsa, flo, beijing and fuji  
for baikal, stolby, ruby, jazz  
for showing me things I'd forgotten  
or never had, or never knew  
for showing me the way to speaking  
languages to live anew_

and thanks to my beta, secret chord, who took on the challenge  
looked over the work, added line breaks, made it a better piece

* * *

A few notes

Everything is written in verse. There are monologues. Punctuation, for reasons unknown, is extremely inconsistent. So is the rhyme scheme.

I write for myself. Though I hope some parts will give pleasure to the reader, this is not the reason I write.

There is lots of grief.

I consider K/S to be the heart of what I write. That being said, this work does not deal primarily with their relationship- K/S centers it, but is not the main subject of it. If you are looking for a pure K/S fic, this will probably disappoint.

* * *

Logistics

Warnings as well as additional notes concerning source material/inspiration are located at the end of each section. As this fic mentions/deals with subjects such as rape, suicide, slavery, incest, cannibalism, and torture, please read the warnings if you believe you may be triggered by the material.

Adaptation of _The Odyssey_ is based on the English translation by Richmond Lattimore. Spellings of names and some lines (cited without quotation marks) have been used as well.

Klingon words were mostly culled from the internet, primarily , .com, /English-to-Klingon-Dictionary, and . Klingon names were completely made up. Any mistakes in tlhIngan Hol are mine- I did not learn the language.

Story takes place after _Star Trek Into Darkness_. I like Christine Chapel so I put her back on the ship, author's prerogative.

j. Anon


	2. i muse

Oh! Let me tell you an old story

of exploration, ships and glory

of quiet peace and restoration

of quiet love, true hearts and patience

A story without moral telling

without fear or death a'knelling

A story to believe in life

and hope against the eternal strife

of systems in our galaxy

Where aggression under alchemy

through time, words, small aggravations

transforms old enemies to persuasion

Alliance opened to dialogue

Silence banished into the fogs

of time preceding.

Let me sing to you this legend

the fabled, famous warp core engines

of the United Star Ship _Enterprise_

Transformer Room, please energize

Beam up the Captain James T. Kirk

First Officer Spock of Vulcan and Earth

Leonard McCoy and Nyota Uhura

Pavel Andreyevich, Hikaru Sulu

Montgomery Scott, Keenser, Chris Chapel

Carol Marcus and bridge crew, stations ready to rattle

Lt. Madeleine, Lt. Darwin, Mr. 0718

Lt. Hannity, Ensign Brackett, Engineer Deepak Singhate,

Dr. M'Benga, Lt. al'Hassan, Ensign Shuuji Nakamura

Nurse Mandela, Dr. Xu, Yeoman Driss Butumbura

Engineering, science, command and helm

Security, operations, medical personnel

One thousand crew members searching space's deep reaches

One thousand true lives seeking worlds and new creatures

Each species they meet, they meet to express

Wonder, amazement, compassion, respect

Each conflict they find, they work to keep death

outside the solution, bordered and checked

This is the Enterprise and her crew

Her five year journey, heading to

strange new worlds and civilizations

strange new planets and unknown locations

the border of the galaxy

with hand held out in amnesty

to keep the peace and bridge all shortage

to live life with conviction and with courage

Oh! Let me tell you of their journey

Sit down, drink deep, and fear no Fermi

twists of plot and situation

danger, darkness, quick evasion

This story has a joyful ending

For life is short, and grief is rending

The Captain, Spock, and _Enterprise_

loved of all else, to laugh and rise.


	3. ii cows

The first mission we encounter

is a bit silly, I must admit

The _Enterprise_ finds a planet of cattle

who graze, sleep, chew cud, and spit

The herds protect the young in circles

they vote on pasture simply standing

the direction that they want to go

and head that way, no bull commanding

The science officers all take samples

of hair, blood, horn, grass, dirt, and shit

the cows are curious and low softly

Uhura smiles and records it

Their predators they do not see

but tracks and screaming in the night

when morning comes the herd moves southward

three carcasses found bloody bright

Spock takes the bones and builds a fire

in ancient Vulcan sacrifice

remembering a time forgotten

when bulls were gods, and gods had price.


	4. iii lotus

The second mission they embarked

found lotus flowers and people sleeping

the Berthold rays showered on the planet

caused massive growth in plants and treelings

It was believed that all had died

for Berthold rays are deadly dealings

but beaming down to survey the planet

they found plants, people, mellow feelings

with such a welcome warm as sunlight

the crew shed off their sterile suits

they breathed the air sweet with blue flowers

forgot their ship, captain, and their route

The CMO, always so wary,

with tricorder, mask, and mind acute

took readings of the lotus eaters

and found medical mystery a-fruit

Like Khan, these people had no blemish

no malady, no scars, no ills

Amputations, hurts, and surgeries

vanished without a godlike doctor's skill

Meanwhile Spock, Keenser, 0718,

and Madeleine's conditions grew chill

they abandoned their duties, ran wild in the flowers

spoke to the treelings and drank deep of the thrill

Spock felt a freedom and a wonder

without the taint of grief and guilt

He longed to stay in this world always

so not to face the past blood spilt

Keenser clicked, blinked and broke his silence

stole Scotty's Scotch and tartan kilt

0718 lost all direction

his compass head a-lilt and a-tilt

Madeleine swam in the waters

her skin alight with bronze highlights

she touched the trees and thought a minute

of the fire that had burned her hive

The others of the Enterprise

lay down and dreamed with blown out sight

lost in the ease of lifeless flight

to a perfect, beautiful world.

The Captain, tired and still hurting

from Vulcan, Khan, Pike's death and Spock

succumbed to bliss without a quarrel

resigned to leave his ship in dock

The Doctor, masked and now despairing

the last to balk at paradise

injected himself with the blue pollen

to fight and walk and loose the vise

He felt the high, the ease, the blessing

the need to sleep, let this suffice

then rage and anger roared to meet them

"This is not life, but sacrifice.

I know we all have sorrow buried

I know we all long for a day

when we have ease and restoration

but this drugged sleep is not the way

To find our lives and true beginnings

we must have faith that come what may

life will restore and bring us respite

life will give meaning, love, allay."

With this resolved, he then descended

to find Jim, Spock, Uhura, Scotty

He tried to rouse his friend to anger

but Jim was lost in thundering party

reliving empty, thoughtless existence

of darkness, bass, sex and heartbeat

Bones found Spock and knowing the Vulcan

pushed all his hurts to bring out rage

accusing him of desecrating the memory

of all the true Vulcans lying dead before age

He attacked Spock's honor, integrity, courage

called him a coward and spat on the grave

of his mother, his house, and all his lost people

And Spock in his grief was forced to engage

Together on board they found a cure hypo

which would not compel others to face

the horror of Nero screaming inside them

and live life for death, for vengeance, for hate,

the horror of Khan resigned to grim warfare

and crush with bare hands the enemy's face

When Jim woke he felt Spock's hand gently touching

his fingers where once they were separate

by the locked door and window, by death and by dying

by longing to speak, to communicate

words stuck in throat stuck in heart stretching fingers

that life must be more than death and escape

that life must be more than dread sorrow and danger

that life must _be_, let life be our fate.


	5. iv cyclopes

The third mission following was assigned

by Starfleet, without clear purpose or intent

They were ordered to become emissaries

to seek out Qyklops of tlhIngan kind

He was said to reside on the planet plH'moS

where the spirits of the warriors are buried.

It was a long flight, underlined with doubt

the crew had stopped believing the Admiralty's command

The Captain called on Lt. Uhura to guide him

She remembered too well the eyes of the patrol scout

If Qyklops was anything like the Qo'NoSian

they must be prepared, their prospects were grim.

Yet she remembered with equal clarity

their willingness to disembark, walk forward, unmask

listen to her words and measure them for worth

Before they departed, she bought gifts of surpassing rarity

Talosian pendants, Vulcan wine, Tellarite ointment

that these may aid in allowing them safe berth.

They arrived to observe the strange fertility of plH'moS

wide fields, soft rains, oceans with chalcedony coral

tangqa' grazing, lung sleeping, qagh slipping over rock

Nothing farmed, no factories, no tlhIngan, no deimos

it was hard to believe such a place could exist

among the Qo'NoSian people, whose planet was shocked.

The Captain refused to meet Qyklops without searching

for traps, surveillance, weapons, ships, war operations

despite Spock's protests they were breaking good faith

After the scouts reported back, all confirming

the land was clean, but the peoples were lawless

Kirk listened, nodded, gave their reports great weight.

His decisions on dealing with Qyklops' kind

were perhaps too formed, without room for perspectives

Lt. Uhura hailed Qyklops on the Captain's orders

saying words meaning peace, supplication, but defined

by their sudden appearance looming over the planet

a Constitution class vessel with officers and soldiers.

Qyklops was a tlhIngan who'd lost comrades by fire

fighting mad Nero's quest to reduce all to madness

fighting mad tlhIngan's quest to rebuild a great army

He took the post on plH'moS to live by the pyres

of old friends, old fields, old tangqa', old seas

He knew nothing of Kirk, but fear stirred old memory

He gathered his rusted sword from its rotting sheath

He polished it quietly while qagh coiled and slithered

He watched as it slowly emerged to new skin

For tlhIngan the fight is to honor and breathe

new life in the body, blood roaring, heart spinning

He would honor this land, his comrades with a death to win.

And if not win, then keep from destruction

his beloved fires, the tangqa's slow walking

This he resolved when he answered their message

with words meaning peace, welcome, formal introduction

His eyes taking in the eyes of the Captain

whose eyes took in what each believed was the essence

of war. Kirk beamed down with Spock, Uhura, and Bones

each gave salute to Qyklops in high form, presented their gifts

with necks bare and exposed. The Captain repeated his words

"Of a peace between tlhIngans and Federation, may our witness be stones

whose silence will carry the promise to marrow."

"But stones may be broken when selath set on herds

scattering their numbers like ships burnt to rubble."

Thus Qyklops prepared quickly to kill Kirk's companions, trap Captain and ship

in helpless surrender. He would have then summoned

his ruthless plH'moSians to slaughter their numbers and begin the long struggle.

But Kirk would have devised a sly plan to bewitch savage Qyklops

with wine and then blind the great tlhIngan a sudden

escape to the Enterprise, fly Federation, war mad and sure of a terrible fate.

All this would have passed, if they both had not tasted

the bitterness of death, war, hubris, retreat. Qyklops, defying fate and his instincts

looked Kirk in the eye with unflinching stare. There was no hate.

"You come to this planet with gifts of great value

yet send scouts to survey our land for a prize. You come with a Vulcan, a species extinct

to remind me of my loss yet despise this hallowed land of my dead

and my dearest, whose spirits walk in these sacred skies. If your truth is peace

then why approach thusly, stinking of dishonor, deceit, and lies."

"We are Achaians, coming from Troy," Lt. Uhura stepped forward and said

"We are beaten off our true course by our own Federation, whose words we hold cheaply.

Dishonor, deceit, are not our intention. Fear drove us to set out and spy

your land, your peoples in contravention of possible death, prepare for the worst.

We see now we could have risked an open trust in hospitality

yet you cannot blame us of our fear, for you share it, know it, live it too.

So we have come. So it has pleased Qun to arrange it. He thirsts

for peace and quiet waters. Will you turn away suppliants at your knees?"

And thus the seeds of words were planted, nourished with a gentle dew

that bloomed to friendship between Federation

and tlhIngan kind. So life begins anew.


	6. v wind

Lt. Sulu, light and merry

went out to fly the ship one day

he felt the wind race close beside him

he heard it whisper, "Follow this way."

The North, the South, the East and Western

the Up, the Down, the Skew, the Crane

winds to him alone they whispered

to seek immortal Aiolos' reign.

And so possessed, Sulu took over

the _Enterprise_ without a thought

He flew them all to wind swept planet

where dust storms howled against the rock.

Aiolos fascinated by cer new power

to call through distances in space

entertained with feasts and showered

gifts uncountably rich in grace.

The captain, annoyed to have his pilot

used and forced against his will

asked Aiolos to release Sulu

lost within the wind's words still.

Aiolos said "He's not unwilling-

my power does not work that way.

My song is only heard by those who

listen and love its disarray

of air in movement, ever rushing

howling, moaning, whistling, grey

My song of wind was only meant to

give him shelter from breaking clay.

For he remembers-

bodies falling into fire

cords of life snapping away

jumping to a drilling platform

parachute failing to splay

failing engines, failing systems

falling into atmosphere

Commander's face and deathly orders

he couldn't leave so vowed to steer

the Silver Lady, beloved starship

out of the sea, above the clouds

his friends, his comrades, his family

away from Federation shrouds

The wind immortal, without substance

cannot be broken, bowed or bent

the wind made from the engine's thrusters

he thought that moment heaven sent

only to find that to his horror

it cost the life of his captain.

I apologize to all for bringing

you against your desire and will

In the future, I will take caution

to sing my song with better skill

For your pilot, for his story,

for his love of wind's strange song

I will give a gift unrivaled:

five bags of wind to take along

In one, East-Western winds for sailing

upon, through land and sea on ship

In two, North-Southern winds for flying

above your Earth and down to it

In three, Up-Downward winds for dreaming

of peaceful lands and better times

In four, the Skew Wind for containing

crisis with a calm of mind

The last, Crane Wind is for his spirit

that his love may never die

though life may fade, love is the extra

gift which keeps him through the tide."


	7. vi giants

They arrived upon the planets Lamos, Telepylos of Laistrygones

they were enthralled to see that almost all the people were gigantes.

Rapture quickly turned to horror when they learned of giant society

Captain Kirk, once reckless explorer, remained on board to oversee.

Carol, newest of their number, and Pavel, youngest of their set,

Bones and Spock, Lt. Darwin, went down to settle Starfleet debt.

Among the secret files of Marcus, Uhura found his youth's infractions

his breaking of the Prime Directive, though well intentioned, sparked chain reaction

The giants became cannibals without rite or reason, rule of law

the mighty formed a pact among them, branded the weak and slaughtered all.

Starfleet ordered 'fix the problem, establish order, clean the mess,'

Jim cautioned only to make contact, see if they listen or aggress.

The other teams sent down to surface were told to search and document

the suffering of the weak encattled, look for signs of defiance.

The pictures sent to ship above, of hanging carcass hooked through bone

of decapitated heads and gloves made of hides with hairs in sewn

filled every member of the crew with terror, horror, steel resolve

to bring to right this crime of error and uphold space flight's first law.

Spock, Bones, Carol, Pavel, and Darwin entered the city through the gate

ignoring stares and looks of hunger, they marched straight to the palatial plate.

Antiphates, the gigante king, summoned them to royal assembly

before any could speak a word to reason, his eye roved over them contemptibly.

"You have returned after making a vow to never set foot in this damned place

You have returned with the fair daughter of the very man whose ideas about race

have destroyed our species, desecrated our temples, overturned our traditions,

made civil war to erase the bodies, minds, and rights of the living

Titans who now we eat in disgrace. There were those in our number

longing for power, for the glories and weapons of outer space

found their answer in blood and devoured their brothers, sisters and mothers, defaced.

I will not listen to words you may offer. I have eaten my father, my friends and my fate.

I will eat you and perhaps in that hour understand why you have come to be great.

I will start with the daughter, so fair and so small-

Why did your father spare you from the fall!"

Spock, Chekhov and Darwin drew phasers and fired, Bones reached for Carol

who through shocked grief desired to set aright the wrongs that imperiled

this war torn race of cannibals feral. But they had no time. The away team fled

while giants tore up the streets throwing flames, skulls, and heads

excited, enraged, entrenched in their evil. Jim beamed up his crew and asked for a plan.

Spock could find no good answer, Bones suggested a ban

of all Federation vessels and leave them to right it

sometimes only time can heal sickness so blighted.

Lt. Darwin and Chekhov were both overwhelmed by the stench of the blood,

the flesh rot in that realm. But Carol, determined, said "Come hell or flood water

we will find a solution for I am the daughter of a man, who in death

could not see the good, disillusioned in life though he'd tried as he could.

My father once believed not in war, but protection, in keeping the peace

through precise advanced weapons, which killed only those who would do unto others

the same that these Titans do unto themselves. I studied the power of weapons

with faith that only enemies were killed and innocents were held

alive and unharmed. I did not know who is enemy, or innocent, we cannot foretell.

I did not know weapons could not hold all answers until the Red Matter blew Vulcan away.

That day of destruction changed my father and it changed me, like darkness and day."

The Captain listened, poised and quiet. His eyes glowed blue, reflecting the riot

of emotions held in reserve. Bones grunted, said softly "They could just change their diet."

Spock thought once again of the scene he had witnessed, of the King Antiphates,

of his anger sadistic. Darwin thought back to old myths of gods on Euphrates

she remembered the Greeks, Zeus and Chronos, and Hades. Chekhov said:

"Sometimes, Keptan, nothing can be done.

Sometimes you cannot fix a people, so set upon zeir current ways

Sometimes the only right to ewil is preserf the good for one more day.

We cannot save the titan giants from themselfs or force a change

We can only help the small defiants escape to life without the slain."

And so it was done.

* * *

Warning: Mentions of cannibalism.


	8. vii aiaia

The fifth mission I will sing in blank verse

to honor all the witches of our seas

for ten is five by two with stress reversed

so too we seek dynamic harmony

in song and solemn death, in life, in course

that grief may find relief in time passing

that time may give small blessing and diverse

friends, companions, love, t'hy'la- sing.

The Captain and his crew embarked upon

a mission to explore a planet's crest

scanners aboard showed indications of

new forms of life within volcanic vents

The ridge of fire encircling the planet

gave blackest soil for mold-like grass to grow

and trees like giant mushrooms rose above

small dusty spores like snowy flies enclothed

the air, diffracting light to opal snow

insects ate spores, birds ate insects and mold

while nentaufors grazed without enemy

The spores, mold, fungus trees were toxic to

most Terran, Vulcan, tlhIngan biology

But Madeleine had strange immun'ty to

the opalescent air, so joined the team

of Captain, Sulu, Keenser, Ensign Yok

They wandered in the chitin walled forest

when suddenly they spied beyond a rock

a shimm'ring, gleaming dome- someone within

Jim cursed, then ducked and motioned them to crouch

while he went to investigate the shield

For shield it was, a tlhIngan prototype

long discontinued for its energy

drained ship, and did not let the warbirds fire

useless except in dire emergency

Jim looked within and saw a house, a yard

a gate, a fence, a field gone wild to seed

he looked again and thought he could discern

a tlhIngan woman, warriguls at her feet

a herd of tangqa', sargh, and lazing vlghro',

Da'nal, borghel, cha'bIp, cha'par, cha'qu'

all flittering and fluttering to feast

singing their songs so sweet to tlhIngan ears

The woman had not noticed his presence

the warriguls caught not his scent through shield

he slipped away, in his mind resolving

to leave alone the tlhIngan haven sealed

Spock from above continued their research

science officers a-humming at the helm

delight lighting their faces for they found

a clue to proteome evolution

But things can never go as planned with Jim

the universe seemed bent to throw his way

obstacles and twists, Herculean labors

to mold a bitter greatness from his clay

Sulu grabbed Keenser, dove under the mold

the others hid, bewildered but soon they

heard tlhIngan grunts, war cry, shouted curses

"You are a witch! You'll burn, you'll die, you'll pay!

You cast my soldiers into squealing targh!

You turned my wife into vem'eq and stay

behind your veqlargh shield- Qun smash your house

and when you die may vermin eat your skin!"

He fired on the shield but the shots bounced

directly back, he used his sword to break

the barrier but it stood firm and froze

the glitt'ring sword to ashen rust and slate

He used his fists to pound against the walls

he screamed his wrath, spores swirling round his head

he tore his suit, his mask, his hands and clawed

the shimm'ring surface that mercilessly stayed

impassive, silent, closed to his demands

each breath he took brought spores into his lungs

to bloom to mold and grass within the blood

each mucus surface, eyes, lips, nose and tongue

grew fungus sliming green, blue, yellow, pink

and when it seemed all life had left his eyes

and blackest mold covered him like a beard

the witch opened her door and took his sword

cut off his arm and dragged his body in

she turned to face the ten tlhIngan soldiers

"If you have face, come witness what I'll do

if you are loyal, follow your dear general

into my house, else take your honor to

Qo'NoS, the cursed darkened planet of home-

At least my targh are free to choose to roam."

Then Cirqce turned, the soldiers followed snared

she wove a spell into her very words

for they were tired, homesick, heartsick, helpless

of vendetta their general led them to

and as each passed the barrier of the shield

each turned into a tlhIngan creature gold

Jim understood all those under the seal

once were tlhIngan in body, mind, and soul

But why should he take pains to interfere

in tlhIngan troubles, why should he upset

the conflict balanced twixt witch and warrior

why should he risk his own and his crew's neck

They might leave now, for witch so powerful

is bound to know of their presence and yet

she let them be, did not compel them to

follow into her veqlargh fields of sargh.

Jim looked into the eyes of all his crew

knowing that each wondered what he'd do next

The ensign was afraid, Sulu was grim

he'd follow his captain to any death

even a death forgetting his human

ambitions, dreams, for one standing four-legged

Madeleine, taking Keenser's hand they stood

rough skin to skin and nodded their assent

Jim set Sulu and Madeleine to stand guard

while Keenser took his readings of the shield

then Jim, ensign and Keenser beamed back up

to analyze the data from the field

They told to Spock and Scotty all they saw

Spock saw the wall of will behind Jim's eyes

Jim could not leave his enemies to live

lives unchosen, for life is not a prize

of games of war, or vengeance, or dislike

While Scotty, Keenser, Bones marveled at the

device allowing Cirqce to transform

tough tlhIngan flesh to wing, scale, hoof, and horn

Spock spoke to Jim of how to best approach

this tlhIngan woman wild as wind and thorn

"You're certain that the herds and birds were free?

They were not illusions? They flew, they grazed?"

"They all looked happy, healthy, content to

continue all their days in her domain.

At first I thought her house was a place of

shelter for all the people who lived there

the warriguls had joy in their dark eyes

tails wagging as they followed her around

the vlghro' weren't afraid of them instead

they strolled with ease and napped in the cool shade

the sargh and tangqa' stayed in different fields

the targh took baths in dirt and dug for roots

I can't believe that all of them were once

tlhIngan soldiers, turned just for trying to

find their comrades. I would have done the same."

"Captain! We've found the little bugger that

will change the tlhIngan folk to beast. You see

the readings show a spike of dhuoNoR rays

which used to be the way their transporters,

until they improved their technology,

operated, and she's fine tuned it most

ingeniously- it rearranges their

skeleton, the whole entire anatomy

according to the types she's programmed but

there's just one thing." "Jim, there's no telling if

it can preserve personality of

the tlhIngans it chews up and spits out to

cows and pigs. We might be looking at a

bunch of rewritten tlhInganian sheep."

"Doctor, I am inclined to disagree"

("Of course you are" Bones said'n amusement)

"The captain stated all the people on

her grounds showed normal signs and wide range of

behavior. I believe the witch Cirqce

has certain rules and boundaries that she

upholds in personal integrity.

She did not leave the general's body

to be eaten with mold and lie rotting.

She invited the soldiers to enter in

her small haven, instead of forcing to

report back to Qo'NoS head bowed, dishonored

They walked to her domain knowing full well

the fate that lie ahead, and they too knew

she'd honor their desire to be a person

be seen for what they are, not what they do.

They were not bewitched, tricked, or enchanted

their general would have told them of her wiles

Nyota says there have been quiet whispers

in tlhIngan space, of Circqe's hidden isle.

More than this, I know- all living things have

minds, it is the beauty, of life's great range

in species life's produced. All life has signs

we often cannot read it, or discern

the language it may use. If the tlhIngan

soldiers are restored, they will retain all

personality. Being changed in form

does not imply a complete loss of agency.

If life is given freedom it will choose.

If not, do what it needs to stay alive."

"Spock, that's a huge leap in deduction there.

You don't know really if they chose to go

You don't know really if she lets them be-

she could make them happy by lobotomy

and even if every person can feel

each species' bodies adapted to deal

with their surroundings and we have developed

specific structures for memory and time.

I'm not saying that we are the better

I'm saying that we were born to this kind

to this body, this place, to this moment

and with it, hold our own problems we seek

to resolve. The tlhIngans are war-weary

but so are we. They have to live their own life

to see, how everything turns in the end."


	9. viii moly

And so with those words the Captain kept posted

three sets of teams monitoring the keep

While Keenser, Scotty and Bones would develop

protection from Cirqce's dhuoNoR ray beam

The teams every hour checked in to report

activity of the people within

The first thing they said: "The place is enormous

spanning some thousands of square kilometers."

The second thing was: "Nobody ventures

to break through the boundary, no one escapes."

Though escape would be to toxic environs

no traces of corpses were found anyway

The third thing was: "They all look so normal

so hard to believe they were all warriors."

Scotty gave Jim his hermean pendant

"It'll neutralize dhuoNoR, I can't guarantee

that this is enough to counter the beam.

It might only partially work, you'd be

stuck half in one half in other form, Jim.

We ran all tests we could find and invent."

Jim palmed the device, as small as a coin

"You've gotta be crazy- you're not going alone!"

"Captain, I strongly-" "Spock, Scotty, Bones

you listen to me and you follow my orders

I'm only risking one man from this ship

if anything happens, do not mount a rescue

we don't want to implicate ourselves in this shit.

I know your opinions but I've thought this thing over:

what if she just kills us all with her beam

what if she brings us inside but refuses

to let us go back to our ship safely

what if she changes the tlhIngans and they all

decide to attack her and us, declare war

what if the transform can't be reversed

what if the people aren't tlhIngans at all.

And I know, Spock, these are insufficient

for me not to bring a full team for support-

actually you'd say it's all the more reason

for you to come with me and enter her fort.

But think of it this way: she's alone and

outnumbered, maybe she's trying to live

the way that she wants. Maybe she's exiled,

maybe this is the only peaceful solution

she's found for the way the tlhIngans search and then

attack her, keeping them alive and unharmed.

But will you respect that I need to do this

alone, and leave it at that? Will you respect

that I have a gut feeling, and trust me

to come through alive and intact?" "Captain-

You ask much. To ask me to wait. To ask

this after you've already died. Captain-

Jim- I trust you with life. Why won't you let

anyone be by your side." Spock stepped forward.

"I will respect your wishes to do this alone

but do not ask me not to mount rescue.

You once gave me your ship to command

through dire crisis. Do you trust me to give

good command in your absence? To judge

what is best for both you and our crew-

do you trust me in this, as I now trust in you?"

Bones took in the sight of the Captain and Spock

Scotty and Keenser quietly walked out

The question hanging as spider's webbing

Jim nodded, so slightly, slowly exhaling

when Nyota came running before he beamed down

"Captain, I know there are words without meaning

a vow upon honor can break but now

you need every weapon and chance we have,

if nothing else- words buy you some time.

If the witch Cirqce is willing to speak

if you think her tlhIngan honor is true

ask her to swear a vow to you thusly:

that she will not harm you or this crew

whatever the outcome of your combined talks.

And you must then swear the same vow to her:

that you will not harm her or her people

whatever the conflict between your two views.

If you believe that this is worth trying

it will ease negotiation for the both of you."

Nyota saluted, the Captain acknowledged

then stepped on the transporter pad with face

blank and detached then eyes took one glance at

Spock staring at him, eyes dark with emotion

"Good luck to you, Captain. Energize, Mr. Scott."

Jim went to the dome and stopped without touching

the crackling barrier popping with HoS

he wasn't quite certain what he would do next

when the barrier opened and Cirqce stepped forth.

"Come in, Terran. Let's discuss this inside."


	10. ix circe

He felt the dhuoNoR beams screaming to fold

his composition to a different shape

the pendant on his neck vibrated, rolled

but held and neutralized the ray's intent

Circqe turned back and watched with hooded eyes

but did not seem surprised that Jim was not

reformed to other shape. Jim staggered, gasped

then pulled out his phaser- they stood like this

both silent, weighing fate. Then suddenly

five warriguls emerged, their hackles raised,

teeth bared and crests unfurled, hissing their threats

at Jim, circling around. Circqe commanded

"Mevyap!" and they stood down, still hissing low,

eyes fixed still upon Jim. He ignored them,

addressing Circqe first, "I came without

intent to harm your kin. You aggressed first

attempting to change me, without my will

or knowledge or consent. You violated

tlhIngan hospitality- it is my right

to ask of you payment. So I ask this:

swear unto me a vow, upon your honor,

if your honor is still true, that you will not

harm me or my own crew. Swear to me this

and I will swear to you, the same promise

for you and those you hold dear. But swear me this."

"My honor is intact, and I am not

the first to commit trespass. You and your men,

encircling my home, were the ones first

to transgress. But my honor is intact

and I have now, in good faith to you, Terran

stood down my warriguls who would

tear you to pieces and devour them. Thus

before I give this vow, show me good faith

and put your phaser down." He slowly did.

They swore to each the vow and breathed deeply.

"Terran- you must be Captain Kirk, of whom

the tlhIngans speak with words contradicting.

My name is Cirqce, banished by the new

Qo'NoSan tyrants whose rule disintegrates.

And these are Garuk, Kuth, Boshar, Tvgy,

DagaS, whose stories I will relate. But

come to the house, let us dine first, because

empty stomachs only create dissonance."

Jim, never one to fight 'gainst good fortune

followed Cirqce as the warriguls ran beside

he watched as their tails and their tongues twitching

trembled, knowing that dinner was soon to arrive

She walked to her door and the five waited

sitting obedient before bursting in

pacing the hall as she went to the cabinet

eagerly waiting for sweetest of sounds:

dry leathery insects mixed with some qagh

life really couldn't get better than that.

Dinner was awkward with stretches of silence

Jim complimented her cooking, her drinks

her furniture, hayfields, defenses, to keep

the clink of utensils scraping on plates

from sounding like disruptor fire at her gates

The warriguls lay at her feet, and she

excused herself to feed the vlghro' their meals

they refused to come in sight of a stranger

Night came and with it more serious things

Cirqce set her eyes on Jim with intent

"Garuk and Kuth are both tlhIngan soldiers

Garuk had some renown in her day. Kuth

was part of the same Duj whose orders were

find me and bring me to stand trial for treason.

Their ship was hit by their own deadly fire

bounced off my shields reflected back to them

these who were the only survivors I found

I transformed them into warrigul soldiers

they help herd the tangqa' to freshly grown fields.

Garuk and Kuth get along like two brothers

DagaS and Garuk will fight bitterly

Boshar and Tvgy are content to wander

the front house's yard, sleep under the tree.

Boshar was one who came and surrendered

she asked me to make her forget what she'd seen

Tvgy is deathly afraid of the thunder

he hides when he hears the barrier creak.

DagaS dislikes me, he often will wander

the boundary, whining for home he won't see.

The sargh, three came together as exiles

science officers all running from Qo'NoS

they would have preferred to remain tlhIngan

but these are my terms, if they dislike them

they can go somewhere else. Sibv' is the oldest

her joints are now buckling. She must always

be within sight of phLeS. phLeS will panic if

Sibv' isn't with her- I'm worried how

she will cope when Sibv' passes. Sometimes I see

Qrago gently nudging phLeS forward, as if

he knows Sibv's ailments and phLeS's future needs.

The others I found in one form or another

unconscious, spores growing, or nearly dead

I don't know their origins or how they came

to this planet which most tlhIngans dread.

The spores may be toxic to both of our species

but to us they smell terrible, worse than HoQ

perhaps this sounds like a silly deterrent

but smell provokes memory and to live smelling HoQ-

imagine living with the taste of betrayal

permanently stuck under your tongue."

"And the others? You can't tell me that the

targh really wanted to be targh instead

of their tlhIngan forms. You can't tell me

all this is defensive- there must be at least

ninety tlhIngans transformed. I watched you today

allow one to destroy himself against your wall.

I watched as you ordered the rest to surrender

rather than let them walk away from it all.

You cut off the arm of that tlhIngan to tell me

where is he now? Happy as a sargh?"

"And if I had let them go back to their planet?

What do you think would have happened to them?

There is no honor in Qo'NoS now captain!

They would be dishonored, imprisoned, then

if they're lucky, a quick execution,

otherwise forced to years of hard labor

that is the truth of our world now, Terran!

It may not be just and it may not be right

but justice and right have long been dead

what matters is now and merely surviving

I will not risk my life and my haven for them!"

"If all the good people run away from the planet

of course nothing will change, things will get worse-

I don't understand why you don't try to help them

you're not the first tlhIngan who sees only the worst

and does nothing to change it or stop it."

"I will not place on my hands more red blood.

I will not try to lead armies to battle once more

What you saying can only be done

paying the price of a great civil war.

I will not have any more crimes on my conscience"

"Then why do all tlhIngans who seek your shelter

have to agree to take on other ken?

Why can't you make it so every tlhIngan

builds a new home, a society of friends?"

"This is not a space for all tlhIngans.

This is a space for me to take rest.

I will not risk this space to be broken

by sabotage, betrayal, or quarrel.

I do not have the energy now

to negotiate between all their interests

I do not have what it takes to build up

a government, trade, vocations, the rest.

I only can take responsibility

for my own actions my conscience, my guests.

If they don't like it they can go somewhere else.

Some go to Orion, some go to Guelph.

If I were to build a society

with my name, Qo'NoS would take it as a

challenge to war. They would never stop

until we had surrendered or all died

trying to live as we want. This is what it is."

"You've given this a lot of thought." "I have.

I do what I can, given what I can do.

But I have a right to live and live well.

I have the right to protect my home haven.

I have the right to protect myself.

I won't turn away anyone who is desperate.

I won't leave the wounded to die smelling HoQ.

I won't kill another tlhIngan or save them.

I won't compromise what I've built for myself.

Societies might change but I will not do it.

Times may get better but I will not wait.

I am here, right now in this place with a measure

of happiness, peace, with a measure of fate.

I will not give up what I have for another.

I will not risk my responsibility.

I know each one here like a friend and a brother

I promise to give each space to live as they are

no demands made, no duty, no czar.

I will not turn them back, I will not hand them over

to be stripped and punished for crimes which are guiltless.

I will not help you or your Federation

only give you a name you may seek when you're gone.

If you truly burn up with desire to work changes

first go down to lhedaS and seek SeplH'ne.

If you truly believe that your fire will sustain you

first speak to the dead and then you will see."

Jim, deeply troubled by her declarations

opened his mouth to argue the points

but she shook her head, and bid him to follow

through the back door to the cool nighttime air

he could almost see the movements of vlghro'

prowling to hunt their game in the darkness

he heard the soft grunting of tragh nearby

the tangqa' she pointed westward were sleeping

huddled together like the cows missions past

sargh were nowhere in sight, they'd moved onward

all the bo'Degh were asleep in their nests

Jim could not in that moment find fault with

her feelings, her desires and self imposed limits

despite that, which ones were willing and which

were just forced to accept her terms living

no one could guess. He wondered who was she

who had blood on her hands and crimes in her chest

who was she, whose mere name might ignite

a hunt to kill all dissidents taken flight

She was not like Qyklops, weary but loyal

still working under the current regime

She had said she was exiled, but chose not to

seek asylum elsewhere. Whoever she was

she was clever and brilliant, improving

upon old technology, using the same

obsolete weapons to make her defenses

and thus far succeed. If she had been born

in an age that was wiser, she would have been

a great enemy. As things stood now

she saved her defiance to not do more evil

than was already wreaked. Jim wondered

what he would have done in her position

if better or worse came in play, but Spock's

voice came to him chiding, they were different people

diff'rent cultures and ways. Jim looked up to see

the night sky of opal, but spores obscured

any view of the stars. He looked at Cirqce

whose gaze was disquiet, like struggling to keep

heartsickness at bay. Her face grew blank

as though she remembered, sharp old pains

and again had remembered those too were gone.

This home was her haven but perhaps too a prison

she could never leave without risking the deaths

of herself, of her fields, and all her free people

and Jim found himself breathless that she had helped

by taking a chance with a ne'er-do-well Terran

whose only ability is to do what he can.

So he did not protest when she took his hand softly

and led them back into the house to the bath

she stripped off his shirt and filled up with hot water

the bronze basin and he stepped in, standing unsure

she pushed his shoulders and he sat overwhelmed that

this would be the first time anyone was so tender

see him naked in pain, weak and unmanned

she poured the warm water over his shoulders

she poured down his neck, his chest and his back

she poured water and then submerged him

under the water and his body went slack

he did not want to emerge but she pulled him

up and then bathed his arms and his legs

when they were finished she took myrrh and anointed

his body and he wept, body heaving with sorrow

for dying, for living, for fear and for waiting

for grief and the billions of lives blown away

for Christopher Pike, whose faith was unshaking

in his worth and good as a person, for Khan,

for the horror when Admiral Marcus denied him

mercy when he begged for their lives, not his own.

He'd understood why Khan had a reason

to think Marcus had killed every one he'd beloved

He'd never known that death has no mercy

only a mocking face, then they're gone.

Khan crushed his face to kill his own monsters.

Jim understood the logic of that. He fell asleep

dreaming of monsters who laughed when he spoke

until he shouted back- "You'll die someday too!

What's funny about that?" And up on the ship

Spock watched and waited, counting the heartbeats

that passed in the night.


	11. x barley

Jim found peace but Spock became distant

confused by the fire churning in his side

their next two missions he avoided his captain,

while his lover Nyota watched and again realized

that again Spock could not face the truth of his feelings

towards Jim and towards her- he would rather disguise

his truth with veneer of obligation and duty

sincerity with rules and regulations to provide

a familiar, convenient, intractable boundary

between himself and his grief, himself and his life

But Nyota was tired, heartsick and homeworn-

sometimes such illnesses happen in space-

she had her own grief and her own revelations

her own bitter truths to eat and embrace

else displacement would cause rot twixt companions

the silence of anger, betrayal, and blame

She had this to face: that she could not change him

though he might love her and cherish her heart

she could not make him see his reflection

or desire to live, impassioned, happy at heart

Too much of life he equated with duty

a Vulcan must optimize functional existence

too much of grief he associated with cruelty

of Nero and Khan killing with the insistence

that it was their right for hurts inflicted on them

while Marcus would kill for the sheer joy malicious

of leading his warships to battle and condemn

the Federation, tlhIngans and his life to vicious

war, wardeath, and death, and death.

She could not make him see any different

possible reasons to live, not when she

herself was not certain that life is not grief

and grief is not sea, that sea is not endless

endlessly endlessly covering reef

that reef does not hide the shattered ship bodies

of those crushed by fateless, merciless sleep

that some ancient sea god does not condemn them

to wander ten years the fell fathoms deep.

She could not give him a reason to want more

not when he was her reason to stay

and venture five years in deep space with a captain

whose fortunes were wrecking and wingtorn away

his hubris punished for making a bargain

a life for a life for a fire for an aye.

She could not change him but it did not stand to reason

she could not find her own reason to stay

she could not dispel his dry droughted season

but she felt winds bringing soft rains her way

she could not keep living her life for his losses

she could not keep living her life for his pain

she knew if she left the shock would draw forces

that he tried so hard to erase, keep at bay

but life must be lived- soft rains were coming

to revive her wonder and passion again

she left Spock to find his own way forward

she walked out of the sea and into the rain.

And indeed, it was raining on Venetas planet

the sky slightly purple under grey misty curls

the pink and green tiles of the clocktower granite

the wide open square colored mother of pearl

The natives had dressed for their great carnivale

faces enmasked with clay white and bronze

hands gloved with lace, blue powder and holly

heads wreathed in evergreen needles and palms

they waltzed in the streets and laughed throwing barley

seeds to the capricious canal river gods

they danced with light feet inviting Nyota to partake

in festival and dressed her in brocade from abroad

She listened to bells chime far in the mountains

she listened to bells tolling deep in the hills

there were bells everywhere drawing spirits to fountains

to feed on the leaves and the wine that were spilled

to entreat the immortals let cold leave their city

let winter's reprieve from growth and from loss

recede back to spring, let the blue water lilies

once again their sweet canal waters emboss

Nyota listened and watched the white barley unnumbered

swirl in the waters and float to the sea

Nyota opened her mouth and sang unencumbered

by rhyme, rhythm, words, intonation or creed

She sang with the sounds of each language she knew

Romulan, tlhIngan, Vulcan, Deltan, Orinic

Andoran, Terran, Greek, Latin, Venetic

Nibiran, Songbird, Bee, Orca, and Maru

and that day became a legend her own.

Jim danced with her, listening to her song

Spock understood in that moment she'd left him

and tried desperately not to be afraid.


	12. xi rams

Pick up the beat and sing something lighter

the _Enterprise_ found a strange planet to test

the theory that humanoids colonized all planets

for here was a land of honeyed milk to attest

that all manner of ungulates, cows, yaks and goats

might be ones who are able to boast

that they are the conquerors of every world

not predators, emperors, or weapons unfurled.

Pavel and Scotty, a little too curious

about the herds of black sheep running with woolly tails

(and Scotty, a Scotsman, remembered so fondly

the pastures of Scotland, the hills and the dales)

were determined to trace ancestry back to Dolly

the old Terran ewe of old Edinburghese

scientifically, of course, this question was folly

but this deterred not our Scotsman-in-fleece.

They managed to capture a black ram and an ewe

after much running and panting through panicking flocks

while Sulu and Christine laughed on the sidelines

and Keenser watched cackling atop of a rock

Pavel tried soothing the ewe all a-tremble

whose bleeting was breaking his hard Russian heart

he imagined that if he could understand her

she was crying to him and both to the flock

"Don't leave! Let go! Don't tear! Depart!"

Scotty sort of forgot that these sheep are not Scottish

they were wild and unused to contact with those arts

of shepherding, shearing, milking and slaughter

but still knew predation, fear, and the mark

of a being whose eyes stared a little too closely

for interests to be totally benign from the start

Scotty held the ram, whose heart was a-racing

as still as a cornered person can be

Scotty thought his job finished, got ready to transport

when the ram bucked and butted, kicked him in the knee

the black ram ran to Pavel who gave no resistance

he let go of the ewe immediately

she ran back to safety with the ram close behind her

while Christine quickly scanned Scotty to see

if the old ram in self defence had inflicted

any grievous hurt or bad injury

but the only thing wounded was Scotty's adventure-

the flock never let them near ever again

Scotty limped, bruised and sore but laughing already

about the time he was bested by a ram

Keenser, Sulu, and Christine unpacked their basket

laid out a soft blanket and sat down in the glen

where the five feasted on bread, milk, and honey

red beer and red mutton of replicator-gen

happy and breathing in satisfaction.

Yet Pavel remembered a time when the ancients

sacrificed ewes to the gods and their ken

and Sulu remembered a time when Odysseus

drew red ram's blood to speak to the dead.


	13. xii pits

A few days after drifting idly in uncharted space and charting it

the scanners showed a Class M planet

with advanced life forms and warp-capable ships

they all prepared, excited, fluttered, to make a formal First Contact

everyone speculating wildly

what kind of ships this life form had

what kind of culture, buildings, beauty,

what kind of dark and artifice

what kind of language did they use:

prime number, scent, or catalyst

each First Contact committee was assigned

a message and a beam-down spot

Dr. McCoy insisted on going down

because "What the goddamned hell, why not?

We've been stuck staring into blackness

the empty boring void of space

if I don't get off this ship sometime

I'll go stir crazy and mistake

Spock here for a real compadre

and that would be a sure sign I'm baked."

Spock tilted an eyebrow, looked at Jim

Jim looked back smiling and replied, "Sure

go down with Spock's team to this mountain-

meet and greet some aliens, then grand tour

their giant temples and stone altars

Spock says they should be marvelous

I'm going to be in the next big city

hanging around if things go to shit."

"Who's got the conn?" "Sulu and Scotty."

"Why two?" "If it comes down to it

Scotty will handle ship operations

and Sulu will deal with rescue outfits.

Chris Chapel's acting CMO- anything else?

You ready to go?" "Ready as I'll ever be."

"Don't worry Bones. It's fun. You'll see."

Nyota's team was first on planet

and were the first to speak to it

they reported the people were delighted

and overwhelmed, and ecstatic

The other teams had similar stories

it seemed the planet was ready to greet

other species and intelligences

eager to learn and eager to speak

new languages, see stars, and join in the spirit

of exploring the expanded sphere of their world

Jim smiled so widely, heart breathing happy

because _this_ was why he loved being transworld

things like this, the moment of Contact

made it worth all the whirl and the swirl.

Spock and Bones, the last team to transport

readied themselves for loud greetings and fits

but when they beamed down to the stone temple mountain

there was silence, and silence and one giant pit

the silence stretched onward from stone to stone altar

the landscape was covered in grey misting clouds

as clouds disappeared, reappeared they saw farther-

more deep black pits were scattered around

Each one was perfectly square, black mouth yawning

each one was perfectly bare except when

a few pits exposed the white roots of black poplars,

and fruit-perishing willow reeds littered the bins

Spock, Bones, and team did not break the silence

fearing some evil, or sacred word in the wind

they smelled before hearing the panicked "Sir this way!"

and ran dreading steeling themselves for the sight

one great pit, the largest of all of them

fifty five cubit, fifteen cubit, fifty five cubit wide

was filled with the blood, bones, and skin of the beings

they expected to greet on this day planetside.

Spock vomited. There was no way for suppressing

reaction, not when the bones were stacked cubits high

ordered and neatly arranged by type and color

the skin soaked in blood and the blood pooling dry

He did not realize he was on his knees fisting

the grass grinding stones into palms into thighs

he shuddered to feel a hand on his shoulder

Leonard looking at him with grief in his eyes

Spock stood, inhaled, tried to collect all his feelings

ordered tricorder readings and research on the lives

of these drawn, quartered dead neatly packed and reordered

premeditated to be scalpelled and whittled to size.

Later, after double shock ran through the planet

and mourning commenced tempering revelry

the species explained that these were the few who

believed breaking warp would bring tragedy

invaders, conquerors, destruction of planet

slavery, misery, anarchy, plague

an apocalypse of malevolent demons

broken out of the pits of the black holes of ague

They submitted themselves to be killed on the altars

in old belief that this mass sacrifice

would entice the demons to end the world faster

and spare their souls from suffering twice.

Bones disgusted, Jim resigned, Nyota hurt, Sulu blanking

Pavel grim, Scotty speechless, Carol shocked, Chris resigned

but Spock- Spock for once he was scathing

angry and reeling, his words unconfined

"Who were these credulous, vacuous, fatuous people

who commit suicide for specious rite-

my people would _kill_ for a chance to be living

my people _were killed_ without chance for a fight

I would give _anything_ for one more chance to

smell the dry air of Vulcan evening sunlight

I would give _anything_ for one walk up to

the red sacred mountain and once more recite

the prayers of Surak alone in the desert

and find the deep calm of silent starlight.

I would give _anything_ to give them a chance to

escape into life as I escaped into life."

And in strange alignment of stars and re-verse

Bones was the one to answer him first

"I grieve with you, and hear you and see you

I'm sorry for your loss and the misery

of death haunting you like a terrible shadow

You are not alone. You might never be free

of the pain of the death of your planet and people

this you might carry to forever entreat

but this I can promise, and this only:

You are not alone. This is not defeat.

The universe is wider and older than knowledge

that is the only truth you can meet

Grief is the force bringing chaos to chaos

from death within life, to life of blood's heat.

But this I will promise, and this only:

You are not alone. This is not defeat."

-:-

Or perhaps the mission went like this, we're not certain

they go to the planet but there are no warp ships

they simply go down to make observation

they transport in teams, nothing special in this

Once again Spock and Leonard go on the high mountain

once again they find a field of square pits

but in this, they don't find any bones or surrounding

temples, stones, people, or signs of a dig

This time, the silence does not carry evil

only wonder, amusement, curiosity, and calm

how did these pits come to be on the mountain

how were they dug in perfect squares one and all

and this time, perhaps, Spock would not find sick anger

instead try to find a pattern in the lea

relating dimension, distance, and possible function

to the species who lived on the mount previously

perhaps he would find trace samples of barley

wine mixed with water, and stone figurines

perhaps he could detect milk mixed with honey

poured out on the bottom for something to eat

Were the pits used as pens to keep in their livestock

or as houses due to the rarity of tall trees

the layout suggests some symbolic importance

perhaps it was offering for the deceased

The winds would be gentler to his speculation

experience would fuel his wide reveries

the Doctor would walk quietly among the black hollows

and remember those buried last year by Starfleet

They would return, subdued but not broken

again by the sight of those lying dead

Spock would keep hold of this precious feeling

of walking on old, quiet, hallowed, unsaid

land which once was sacred to someone

returned now to the mountain, forgotten, untread.

* * *

Warning: Depictions of mass suicide/human sacrifice.


	14. xiii begin

"We're going to Qo'NoS." "Captain?" "Commander."

"We are ordered to Qo'NoS?" "No, this is my command."

"May I ask to what purpose." "I finally found out

the way into lhedaS and we're going to plan

a way to get in, get out, meet those tlhIngans

talk to one person named SeplH'ne."

"I find that your statement only partially answers

the content of my original query."

"When I was down talking on Spoorical Planet

parleying with the tlhIngan Circqe

she told me to find the entrance to lhedaS

to speak to the dead, and then I would see."

"See what?" "I don't know, that's why we're going."

"Captain I must question your rationality."

"You can question, but Spock, this is really important."

"Another 'gut feeling'?" "Yeah- intuitivity."

"Jim, that is not a word." "I know, but you like it."

"Illogical to prefer nonsensical things."

"But maybe when we're famous, it won't be nonsense.

They'll put all my words in the dictionary."

"Jim, you are hopeless." "Let's gather the crew.

We need all our team to help us review

plans, backup plans, and backups to backups-

think of this as a covert goodwill black ops-"

"Yet another entirely contradictory-"

"You get what I mean." "If I may resummarize:

we are going to go to Qo'NoS secretly

in order to contact a tlhIngan alliance

whose interests would benefit the Federation greatly

due to the fact that they are defiant

in face of the current despotic regime.

The reason we could not risk alerting Starfleet

is the heavy surveillance of the tlhIngan defense scheme

who would have rooted out all our contacts

and executed them summarily."

"Spock, that was pretty brilliant.

You're getting better at this whole lying thing."

"Captain, I am not lying, I am simply reporting

the likely facts of the matter, it's quite probably

the true explanation." "Except that it's not."

"Probabilities are statistics rooted in math."

"Statistics are bullshit, we all know that.

Okay, okay, don't give me that look.

Go find the others and forget the books."


	15. xiv discuss

"Jim are you crazy? Why would we go back?

Have you forgotten we nearly started war in that space?"

"Doctor, I assure you, the Captain has no such

gaps or deficiencies in recalling that date.

I have already attempted to dissuade the Captain

but he says it's important, therefore not up to debate."

"But why are we planning on sneaking up on the tlhIngans?

It's a bit mad, especially since they hate

us and are jumping for any excuse to start stellar warfare

especially after Marcus tried to use us as bait!

(Sorry Carol.) I was off the ship one bloody day

and the _Enterprise_ was almost a toasted tea plate!"

"That's why we make ourselves not be detected."

"Keptan, I do not think that's a wery feasible plan."

"Pavel's right, sir. The ship isn't exactly made for concealment

she's a big flying saucer with blue glowing warp brands."

"Then give me a solution, Sulu and Chekhov.

I want to hear crazy ideas, possibilities

because like or not, we have to go there

we have to take this chance to find out and see

whatever it is Circqe said we would find."

"You trust her completely?" "With my body, soul, mind."

"Then her honor was true. You never did tell us

what happened to you." "I wrote the report. You looked it over, Nyota."

"Not the same thing as confiding

outside captain's log quotas.

If you trust her, I trust her. The tlhIngan long ranging scanners

can be tricked into seeing-"

"Ah! Yes! Farther away than we are actually being!"

"Chekhov? Nyota?" "It won't hide us completely,

but it gives us a start to the answer you're seeking."

"My father developed a tlhIngan signal jammer

that works in close range so perhaps we could fly

using the long range scanner deception

until we can jam their signals and buy

ourselves some time to slip through their web

of stellar surveillance and safely land in Qo'NoSian tide."

"Are you saying you're going to put my lady starship

at the bottom of the sea one more bloody time?"

"Captain, I don't think for the length of this mission

we can sustain having the _Enterprise_

submerged in their waters, which might be loaded with mines."

"Sulu's got a point. It's probably best to leave the ship flying

'cause we'll probably need to fly out on a dime.

The question is where will we park her?"

"If I may say something?" "Go for it Mr. 0718."

"If we reappear and then maintain maneuvers

similar to debris trapped in Qo'NoSian orbit

we may evade undue attention by scanners

as their computers will correct for new orbital waste."

"An interesting proposal, and not without merit

however such maneuvers would be difficult to make

and maintain for the extended duration

that this covert mission will likely take.

But you have reminded me of an observation

we on this ship were all able to make

there is an extensive sector of the planet's moon

which was pulverized by Nero's mining freight."

"The debris field there would provide perfect cover-"

"My transporters could easily cover the range-"

"The tlhIngan regime could not possibly hower

and conducting endless patrols in lifeless terrain-"

"Their communication signals would be crippled and buffered-"

"But wait, hold your horses-

before we all congratulate Spock for his eyes-

how do we know there aren't tlhIngans there living

how do we know there aren't criminals who lie

low and make that their base of operations

for exactly the same reasons y'all praise to the skies."

"Len, we don't have anything better. I think that's a risk

we must recognize." "Chris you're a tactician?"

"Dealing with patients is an extended mission

in tactics, cajoling, and strategic compromise."

In all this, Jim was pensive and silent,

turning over and over the words in his mind

"speak to the dead"- this was not literal

of this he was certain (well, more or less certain-

space might find another way to be weird)

but if not the dead in literal meaning

then perhaps she meant those dead in honor so dear

perhaps lhedaS was in this very same sector

which- Bones was right, would hold the queer and the feared

those who did not fit with current culture

and those who would not bow, refused to revere

whether due to true honor or simple survival

Jim thought perhaps they would find answers here.

He made his decision: "We'll park her near Qo'NoS

in that sector that Spock talked about

Now let's review some evasive maneuvers

and plan our ground teams, our objectives, our routes.

I want all of your to be open and honest

I want all of you to voice all your doubts

we have to go into this prepared and all conscious

of the risks going in, and the risks coming out."

Jim looked at each of his crew there gathered

made eye contact to see if he had their assent

he looked straight at Spock who exhaled and nodded

and then a very, very, very long meeting commenced.


	16. xv action

"Comms blacked out, Captain. Disguising our signal."

"Ready, Mr. Sulu?" "Lt. Chekhov's still inputting the course."

"Expect anything. If they fire, punch it." "Got it, Captain."

"Scotty? How's the engines?" "The engines are fine-

they're not what I'm worried about, Jim." "Got it. Keep me posted."

"Bones, why are you always on the bridge when shit happens?

Shouldn't you be in Sickbay with Chapel?" "Of course not.

Who else is gonna keep your head on your shoulders?

I've always been up here to keep _you_ on course."

"Lt. Chekhov, Mr. 0718?" "Still calculating final approach, Keptan."

"They will be inputted by 0753." "Lt. Marcus, how's your jammer?"

"Functioning beautifully. It ought to send a large blast radius

that will cover our entrance. When you give the signal

I'll initiate the sequence." "Nurse Chapel, things quiet?"

"Nothing unusual. I hope to keep it that way, Captain."

"I'll do my best up here. Where's Spock?"

"Here, Jim." "Sensor's good? Qo'NoS quiet?"

"Affirmative on both counts. If we approach carefully,

they should have no awareness of our presence, Captain."

"How long's this going to take?" "It will depend on maneuvers,

ideally it will take less than eight hours to complete."

"'Ideally'- you jinxed us." "Captain." "Spock." "Will you two stop it?!

We're about to hurl into enemy space and you're bickering."

"Spock, just don't say 'ideally.'" "Our plans are sound, Captain.

We have considered contingencies and most exigencies.

Our only difficulty will be locating lhedaS- on this point

I cannot offer reassurance." "Lt. Uhura, did your department

find anything to help us?" "We've pored through the maps

but there's nothing there. It sounds like slang, Captain,

or some forbidden word. We went through our comms

but no mention anywhere." "Do you think it's the center or periphery?"

"I don't know, Jim." "Use your instincts. You know tlhIngan Hol

better than Spock." "I think it's the edge. Somewhere old and neglected.

lhedaS is an archaic name." "Lt. Uhura- do our databases have

any old maps of tlhIngan? When the new regime conquered-"

"They renamed all the cities! That's brilliant, Commander.

I'll notify my department immediately." "How're the shuttles, Giotto?"

"They're all prepared, Captain. We're standing by if you need them."

"Standby on that- we might be able to beam down direct.

I'll have the transporter room forward you any coordinates

in case you'll need to fly the shuttles to get us."

"Captain." "Commander." "The Away Team rosters-"

"I'm taking all my core crew." "Your instincts?" "Yeah, I know.

But this is important. The assistant heads will see this through."

"An inopportune moment to test their readiness."

"It's that important." "We may all be killed, and the ship-" "Spock."

"Jim." "Do you trust me?" "With my life." "But with the life of the crew?"

"I admit I am cautious." "Good- I need your caution. But you trust me?"

"Yes, Captain. I do." "Keptan. We haf finished inputting." "Great.

Lt. Uhura, anything from comms?" "Nothing yet, sir. I'll inform you

as soon as we have a something." "Everyone ready?

Ship-wide, Lieutenant." "Done." "Attention all crewmembers.

We're about to go into tlhIngan space. Comms are blacked out,

and everyone has their orders. I can't say what we'll find

on this mission, but it's strictly a mission of contact,

not war or intelligence. We go in peace, even if they come shooting.

So keep that in mind if things start to go down.

Everyone knows their part, everyone has their duty

Beamdown is in eight hours, so let's get this done. Kirk out."

"Ready, Mr. Sulu? Punch it." They warped out.

Bridge was quiet, but ship continued all activities.

When they reached the Neutral Zone's edge, they dropped to sublight

and calmly maneuvered- a few tense moments with sensors

but the _Enterprise_ slipped past tlhIngan's defense net silently

professional, deadly in their competence, practical, military.

The engine had a hiccup when they parked in the moon's shatters

The comms department found an old map showing

lhedaS. They beamed down. Were soon found.

Jim mentioned Cirqce and SeplH'ne.

Requested an audience.

Using terms for peace.


	17. xvi persephone

"You sought lhedaS. You have found it.

I am the one called SeplH'ne.

I protect this realm. I rule its number.

I administrate. I oversee.

This is the place the dead come to gather

this is the place the dead will speak

this is a place for those without honor

an internal exile, a place to weep.

I am qumwl' of this region

I am older than mNoS. I survived his tests

nobody wants a post in the ruins

of the old Empire's center, where ghostly unrest

whispers curses on the souls of the warriors

buried on Qyklops' unsown, unpressed

Elysian fields. You said you met Cirqce

I have never met her. Tell me what you saw

and I will let you come in. Tell me of your worlds

what is 'federation'? I know what I've heard

but what is the true name?

Tell me of your worlds, of your admiral's treason

of your life on your planets, of the lost Vulcan way.

Tell me your stories and I will open the speech of

the inhabitants here, let you speak to the graves.

From each of you, I want hear you

in your words, your language, let nothing come in our way

this is the price to enter lhedaS. This is what I ask

if you desire to stay. If not, then leave.

Go back where you came from.

There is no use in unequal terms.

The dead do not speak for you to listen

the dead speak for you to converse."


	18. xvii nkishi

"A life for a life, you say?

Then I will speak first.

In tlhIngan Hol

because I can

I learned to speak from my mother's parrot

who taught me words beyond human

My first words were not Earth-Standard

they were the cries of an infant

they were not words as linguists consider

they were mere sounds expressing intent

Nkishi didn't care for classified words

she took my language seriously

She spoke to me as I spoke to her

if I laughed, she laughed with me

if I cried, she soothed me with water

if I spoke, she replied to me

she taught me how to whistle, click

she sang me songs of crickets, crows

she hummed the words of honeybees

she gave me everything I know

My joy in speech, my talent of tongue

my amazing range in mimicry

are nothing compared to hers

she could speak Standard, tlhIngan, Street

when we watched holovids together

we'd listen close and imitate

every nuance in every sound,

practice until we had its shape

Nkishi always learned it first

and repeated it for me to say

we invented our own languages

a mix of Deltan, Pidgin, Fay

the only thing we could not speak

was Nkishi's wild and native tongue

she never learned from infancy

their words, their sounds, their rowdy song

My mother taught her Earthan words

my father taught her limericks

our house taught her machinery

our street taught her cat, dog, leaf, brick

in holovid she learned to sing

old, ancient Earthan languages

all this and more, she gave to me

the roles reversed from her early days

when they spoke for her to them reply

she spoke to me, I spoke her way

scientists will say we didn't know

meaning in our whistles, neighs

but I will say- I know we did.

I say now, I know we did.

Nkishi loved to fly. We played

Pirate Planet where she led

me and our motley bird crew

across space to rescue the parakeet

or find the seed stash of the emu

we negotiated with the cats

for knowledge of their alleyways

we entered treaties with the dogs

for entrance through their yarded gates

we decoded the secret speech of frogs

whose summer nights were full of heat

We cursed the horns of hovercars

we played small tricks when builders ate

their lunch, imitating clinking nails

as though some ghost were working late.

As I grew older, I lost much of

my aural range, my vocal tone

the toddler flexibility

slowly eroded, stiff to stone

when Nkishi died at eighty-five

I lost her and my first language

I lost my companion in spoken sound

I lost my friend, my teacher, bridge

between what is accepted as a word

and what is actually said and meant

between language as a rigid form

and language as experiment

You hear me speak without mistake

in grammar, pronunciation, grind

Nkishi would have spoken better

she would have looked you in the eye

and spoken in pure tlhIngan tones

aware of every word she said

inventing words as she went on

to name your wordless, speechless dread

she would have called it Haj'al'bom

Avip'yIn, or best- notqa'Saq

the vulture's perch

she might accept if your offered hand

held courtesy and respect to her.

You ask a story

I gave you one

this is the person that I am

if you risk speech

I will risk sound

to meet you halfway

to the end.

More than this, Nkishi showed

that every sound contains a word

some words are soundless, body bound

some bodies speechless, eyes alert.

You fear- I see it in your shoulders

there is no shame in saying that

I fear- your griefs and deaths are older

calcified to smoothest plaque

Do not despise us for our lives

and we will not judge your deathly state

let taboos broken here resound

let things said here have proper weight

In the name of she who lived and loved

every sound from any place

let our exchange of spoken death

be honest, open, may Qun give face."


	19. xviii orion

They met the tlhIngan, one named Orvun

whose shack was filled with animals of all species

but unlike Cirqce, whose people were health-firm

these were hurt, insane, damaged, diseased

either mistreated and abused by warbird soldiers

who thought warriguls were things and not feeling beings

or tormented by harsh experimentation

of the Imperial Science Hall of Great tlhInganese

many were strays who came when they wanted

knowing this place to provide some safety

many were brought in by friends, strangers, neighbors

who might find one lying still on the streets

the smell was indescribable, a slight lingering mix of

feces, urine, blood, and moldering food

Orvun was constantly scavenging for resources

to take care of his growing family brood

The captain and doctor offered to beam down

med supplies, boxes of replicator rounds

but Orvun refused- if he were caught with supplies

stamped "Starfleet Federation" they would impound

all his people and gas them or play target practice

confiscate his belongings and send him for a round

of hard unending labor in the ubiquitous prisons

and it would not be prison that would break him, but the sound

of his family fighting desperately from being found.

As it was, the authorities tolerated this amusing

eccentric tlhIngan who didn't do much harm

and sometimes would send them a beautiful pelt to

keep them appeased and look away, charmed.

"They don't know I was once tlhIngan HoD

on my way to be director of their science program

I once believed that our kind was superior

that it was our right destiny to expand

that we held the truth to all other species-

I'd forgotten these other species include friends

I have always grown up with warriguls, sargh, vlghro'

I know their expressions, personalities, scents

I have been with some from birth to the moment of death."

He looked away from them.

"In order to complete youth tlhIngan war training

they tell you to find an egg of bo'Degh

care for it, keep it warm until hatching

feed it milk mixed with worms, seeds and old bread.

On the day that it spreads its wings to start flying

break its wings and its beak, tear the eyes from its head

bring the body still living to HoD and be rewarded

your first stripe for completing what you started.

I was ready and eager to kill alien species

believing that they had no right to live

I never thought the right was not extended

to other Qo'NoSians who are blameless

so I left- and leaving was not easy

I was imprisoned, tortured, humiliated and arraigned

but after the ordeal I managed to get out

and build this place to live out my days.

The time goes by caring for all of my people

this empire has even less space for those deemed

outside its circle of life-worthy species

but we get by. That is life in the main:

do not live on your knees."

* * *

Warning: Cruelty to animals.


	20. xix kolokol

"Zere is a story

in a film

a boy's willage

dead from disease

the boy's father

a bell maker

of wide reknown

the prince there seeks

his agents take

the boy who says

he can make bells

with father's keys

who gave to him

before he died

the secret to

bell's ringing peak

the kolokol

needs people, clay

needs pits dug wide

needs furnace made

the boy nineteen

and craftsman they

build cast

pour molten alloy

silver, bronze

crack open mold

clean, scour, polish

hoist up the bell

for judgement from

the tyrant prince-

The bell rings pure.

The boy he cries.

His father never

gave him keys

he built the bell

flying blind

risking his life

and craftsman's lease

the bell, if failed

would spell the sound

of all their deaths

deficiencies

unforgiven

metal bound

silver mixed

impurities.

I am nineteen

I know the sound

of warp core engines

the hum they make

I do not know

how to make them

I do not know

all the relays

Scotty and Keenser

they were gone

the engine groaned

I pulled the brake

Keptan asked me

to patch a fix

to keep us flying

to keep awake

I tried ewerything

and realigned

the engine she

gave all she had

if we were not

attacked in warp

we would haf reached

our home launch pad

sometimes you give

more than your all

it fails

there is nothing you

can say to that

except face falling

burning up

listen for death

acknowledge that

you risked it all

for moment's sound

of kolokol

giving life's years.

When engine failed

I somehow found

the Keptan, Scotty

hanging in air

I pulled

I don't know how

I pulled them up

I remember fear.

I remember terrifying fear

it gave me strength

to do what I

could never do

as I appear.

The last fall up

Keptan, he found

one more thing

to give to bells

he climbed the tower

took the tongue

realigned

and made it knell

I lived again

to hear the hum

he died without

telling to me

the secret of

the silver drum

for that I cried

for that I weep."


	21. xx tityos

There was Tltyoq

who'd raped Latos

but was punished

incongruously

for political crimes

and sentenced ten years

to the harsh camps of Qolyma'

who spoke these words

an old tlhIngan with hard eyes:

"May you never eat grief

that is stronger than vengeance

like two vultures sitting

one on either side

tearing into your heart

your stomach, your liver

feasting during the day

flying away in the night

while you grow another

heart, stomach, and liver

because for some reason

you are still alive

you haven't the strength

to kill yourself fully

you do not fear death

you fear nothing in life

you are unsurprised

meek and indifferent

you do not fear failure

you don't look for success

you for some unfathomable

unknowable reason

continue to cling

to every breath

you find that life

even life feeding vultures

the worst life consists

of small joys and rest

truths, falsehoods, failures

successes and sorrows

you see clearly

in this fatal contest

you see that there is

no use in your knowledge

no power, no truth

no change, no transform

you see you can only

be what you are and

what you are may be

only a worm

but worms are alive

and this is the only

fact your existence

has narrowed toward

when the vultures descend

once again

come morning

you bear it

because

your body is warm."

* * *

Warning: According to Homer's canon, Tityos is a rapist punished in the same manner as Prometheus.


	22. xxi clouds

"Vulcan-"

"His name is S'chn T'gai Spock.

You will address him formally

he is my yaS wa'DIch and so

give him respect accordingly."

"QoS, HoD Kirk.

yaS wa'DIch Spock, will you not speak

of all you've seen- the loss of Vulcan

your captain's life, the 'aj Marcus

and rot of Federation Starfleet."

"ghobe'. I cannot."

"Not to us, not in this place?"

"I will speak on his behalf

if you'll accept my words for his space."

"Speak, HoD Kirk. I accept your words."

"We went on mission, Spock and I

down to a planet covered with flies-"

"The planet itself supported a variety of life forms

it was not monospecific as the captain implies."

"You want to tell this, or should I?"

"Please continue, Captain. I apologize."

"The _region_ we beamed to

had an unusually high density of flies."

Jim looked at Spock

Spock looked away, nodded.

"There were eggs and larva everywhere

it got under our suits and into our hair

we could barely hear through all the buzzing

our sensor scans were useless, fuzzy

everyone beamed up in quarantine

the ship reeked with hexachlorophene

from all the decontam procedures.

That's not the point. The point is that

these fly-like creatures

can mass together in a cloud

the black cloud then takes on the features

of your blood relations gone to ground

We don't know how they manage this

we don't know how they read the shape

the worst thing is that their speech is

endless formless indiscriminate

ruthless buzzing like a scream

their black mouths crawling and their eyes

hollow as they walk towards you

collapsing to another sight

I saw my father recreated

I saw my mother's hair in black

I saw people I didn't know were related

clouds shifting, shivering to diffract

I was affected by the flies

because it's fucking freaky shit

imagine seeing anyone

reanimated as a maggot pit

But Spock-

You asked to hear about his planet

I'm going to tell you through his dead

Spock's entire house was decimated

only he, his father, T'Pau still stand

He's never told me of his house

its ancient place, its lineage

but that day I saw for myself

the multitude lost, the ghastly visage

some five hundred Vulcans encircling

all related distantly

their faces flickering, shifting with flies

their silent roar overwhelming

elders, children, brothers, wives

and in the middle of the crowd

Amanda Grayson, his mother's guise

formed, dissolved, reformed, enshroud

as if the cloud took sick pleasure

in replaying her moment of death

over, and over in desperate measure

Spock tried to make contact

he tried to touch them with his hands

use his skills as telepath

to gain insight and understand

but every time he went to touch

they dispersed like coal-dust windblown sand

when he stepped back, they would reform

the tricorders gave nothing grand

just a massive mass of crawling flies

arranged in weird shaped swarming bands.

You say we're speaking to your dead

I understand why you call them this

but you have not spoken to the _dead_

who can't reply, just scream and hiss

who are embodied in a swarm

a mindless mass of meaningless

ghosts you thought you'd never see

who stare and reach for you to flinch.

It took that mission for me to know

I have no fucking idea what a lost planet means

the dead there represented blood

not friends, not the life of their desert cities,

their native plants are all extinct

their animals, insects, bacteria, birds

their temples and their libraries

their legacy exploring worlds

Can you imagine losing more

than face, honor, and dignity?

Can you imagine loss so huge

it encompasses everything you've seen?

tlhIngan's paralyzed, that is true

but it's not lost to singularity

Death is the only absolute

everything else, we've got space to breathe.

That's why I say

you give respect

to someone who is still living

exploring space to seek, protect

new life forms

new life

new anything.

He's the one

who kept me

from starting war here

a year ago

He's the one

you have to thank

for trusting

I know where to go.

I'm here to build

to start again

to find a common ground to stand

if death must be that common ground

I'll tread softly

for my friend."


	23. xxii tantalos

"I am Bruk (Qel Vakghaldr) of Qo'NoS

I was imprisoned (directed) tlanthla'LoS

I strive all my life to serve the glorious

empire of our great tovarIs mNoS

who metes out his justice (judgment)

with a cool, steely fist (steely fist)

and guards (watches) Fatherland

wheels grinding the grist (desist desist)

"I am Qel- Bruk- Qel- Bruk (Vakghaldr)

I was tor- dir- tor- dir tortured on tlanthla'LoS

I strove- strive- strove- to- serve

our great Qo'NoS

I invented the mind- mind- mind- mental (broke)

who metes out his justice with a cool, steely fist

I invented the mind- mind- mind-sifter (broken)

and guards the Fatherland wheels grinding the grist

"I am Qel Vak (ghaldr) of tlanthla'LoS

I directed, invented, and researched

the mind- mind-ripper on tlanthla'LoS

I was desist (denounced) by tovarIs

imprisoned and tortured with my own device

I cannot- can't- will not- remember

my name, face, family, past or the glare

of the words that I speak as you sit in the chair

"Our great tovarIs aQam has rightly denounced you

your memories we can all see while you stare

into the rays of the brain neutralizer

It seems five years ago you spoke to B'vare

who has been tried and denounced as a traitor

to our great Fatherland and tovarIs mNoS

And three years ago you had contact with lhatIr

who fled his ship and high command post

to defect to the Orion slut slaves like a dead ghost

"And is it not true that your mother and father

were Qel kind as well of intelligentsia class?

That they did nothing to advance our great cause of

spreading great tlhIngan honor unto the great mass

clearly they were the worst kind of roaches

and you are no better than they are, of course

each moment of life marks you as filthy traitor

to hide amidst honorable tlhIngan warriors

You once watched this prison, now you are prisoner!

"I am Bruk (tired) of tlanthla'LoS (sorrow)

they decided not to grant me mercy

of wiping my identity, crimes, and my conscious

for why should a traitor be punished easily

No- it is worse- I always strain to remember

my name, my life, my friends, my past

sometimes it comes but then I surrender

to excruciating pain that through my mind casts

a net of forgetting, but not quite forgotten

Then I struggle again to regain what I lost

forgetting that each time this plan misbegotten

leads to clear memory and instantaneous loss

I strive all my life to serve the glorious

empire of great tovarIs mNoS

I am not a traitor, I am forgotten

erased from the records, off the list crossed

I say this to you that you might remember

for in a few moments I will soon forget

your names, your faces, and the sweet scent you brought with

your bodies of freedom, expression, of lethe

the pain, the pain, the agony breaking

please do not leave, let your scents remain

please help me help me help me screaming

I won't let you I won't you can't take it away!

"Who am- what are- who are- when

why am I- what are you- you're not tlhIngan ken

You're Terran! And Vulcan! Alert the warbirds!

We have enemies in our midst! We have invading hordes!"

Spock quickly nerve-pinched him

and touched his sad face

he felt the wrecked damage

of this thlIngan mindspace

he did not have time

to heal all the raw wounding

to make him remember,

or make him forget

but he could leave

an impression resounding:

the scent of their bodies

which had so impressed

Qel Vakghaldr, scientist of tlhIngan

denounced and exiled

betrayed to lethe

who had the misfortune

of using, inventing

a terrible machine

and was in his turn, a victim of it.


	24. xxiii meg glasch tel

"Unlike the rest, I don't share the _Vengeance_

I left after Vulcan to work on a remote colony

Unlike the rest, I never respected the captain

who lost everything on his maiden journey

They said he saved Earth when he really lost Vulcan

they said he won battles when it was really defeat

I don't blame him for the wins or the losses

but if he takes credit for one, he must take everything.

I've been serving on missions much longer

my lover and I met our first year in Starfleet

my lover he died when the _Vengeance_ crashed into

the bay to the edge of San Francisco city.

We'd been researching together new immunizations

discovered from texts on the planet Exo III

Roger was on Earth at a medical conference

when the ship shattered skyscraper into the concrete.

I did not learn of his death until a week later

news travels slow from the center to edge country

when I heard the name _Enterprise_ I cursed every starship

that has ever, will ever, flies our galaxy.

Our lives are littered with suppressed casualties.

I am a nurse, as a nurse I am used to

dementia, death, trauma, all kinds of disease

I am a person, as a person I question

the cause and effect and the meaning of grief

I have not found an answer, I am on board to witness

my fate unfold under command of this death-hounded ship thief

I lost my friends in the _Farragut_, _Lǜ__Lóng_, and _Pluton_,

I almost lost Carol in her mad curiosity

I came back for her and for no other reason

when all your loves die you cling bodily

to those still alive, you endure every season

of mind-numbing, body-blowing, life-crushing grief.

Leonard I respect, and Spock I admire

Nyota I now count as one of my friends

Scotty is a good man, and Keenser is wicked

Sulu and Chekhov I know, but don't quite understand

Carol I love, though we stand like two polars

she creates weapons while I live to mend

sometimes between us there is silent tension

she didn't live Vulcan, I wasn't there when

her father showed his bloodthirsty, god-awful colors

sparing her life at a cost that would have been

unbearable to anyone's conscience

she thought she could buy mercy but found nothing.

The captain has changed. He discovered his limits

he died and recovered- this I can respect

we both carry griefs unspeakable to others

we now stand as equals. We live to protect

this precious peace, our threaded existence

more fragile than youth leads us to suspect

If I have learned one thing from life on this mission

it is: there is no defeat, nor is there success

there is only time, thread unspooling wildly

cut into its pieces, allotted and spread

across the wide worlds, to all species and creatures

we cannot take credit, we can't assign blame

for the way things unfold, we can only live in it

use what we have and remember our name.

I am Christine Meg glasch Tel Chapel

my grandfather Tellarite, my mother became

the best politician since Lwaxana Troi of Betazoid

this is the secret I hold to profane

the desperation of grief, the ease of surrender

This is my story, and for this I remain."


	25. xxiv sisyphos

"There is a high place in the heart of our planet

overlooking a large freshwater lake like a sea

in those hills, there is ore, and ore is demanded

for building, for warships, for technology

This place is not very high when compared to

our mountains, our buildings in the jeweled cities

but when you must walk every day up and down it

it is very high, so high, so impossibly

cold in the winter, mud in the spring,

hot in the summer, cold again too quickly

the only thing walking that holds you together

is that blue, blue expanse stretching far like the sea.

Every day, we must wake and eat crusts for black breakfast

then we trudge from the camp to the base of the hill

carrying with us great boxes and picks for extracting

ore from the rock and rock from the hill

another troop carries heavy shovels and axes

it is their job to scout out new sites

for mining more ore, then they must cut down the

sor and the brush and build a path to the height.

Every day, we walk up the serpentine path

which slithers through the hill with empty box on our backs

we fill the box up with rocks and then head down

single file once again on that serpentine track

we must walk down slowly for the boxes they bend us

over with their weight and footing can't be slack

lest we fall, bodies tumble, rocks spilt like water

and miss our quota for that day in the rack

we are forced to walk quickly back up the serpent

the pIn'a' beating the sweat off our backs

we are forced to do this over and over

no matter the season, our hunger or wrack-

ing cough that takes our whole bodies aback.

You may wonder why a great civilization like tlhIngan

uses manual labor instead of ship-kind

for this is how we used to mine mountains

and build cities and bridges, instead of heave high

but the answer is simple, two reasons deny.

The first is: people are cheaper

than ships, ship building, all technology

The second: only warriors may outfit

a vessel which flies, only warriors may leave.

I have seen too many die on the hillside

hands trembling, arms straining, legs weak in the knee

their eyes hollowed out by the unending labor

of walking up, going down, ore crushing their being

I have hauled rocks down the hill

when ice froze on my eyelids

when my skin was red oozing with bites from the fleas

I have walked up thirsting desperately for water

mind numb, not feeling any sense or degree

I have walked with my brothers who loudly were singing

of longing for home, for a place to be free

I have walked with indifference up this small mountain

indifferent to living, indifferent to be

But there were rare moments, in all my walking

when I looked up from my feet bent with ore

I saw the wide lake and the sun on it glitt'ring

I saw the sky and the beauty once more

such a desolate place, so quiet and lonely

but old, so much older than my suffering

the waters so still and serene and so lovely

reminding me that after death she would be

there, standing witness with her deep and cold water

not a promise, but something that you must know to see

how my heart took solace in seeing that water

still, quiet, calm, and serene.

I am alive today. Do I call this living?

I do not know what living might mean.

I only know the face of the water

keeping my heart deep under her streams.

I only know the song of the mountain

longing for her to weep for their dreams."


	26. xxv tamara

"You asked how I find

the instinct to fly.

I had a dog

a girl named Tamara

who lived with me

after the captain had died

she was a stray

who followed me home from

the ship repair yards

at Riverside.

She wasn't a beauty

she wasn't that agile

she didn't do tricks

she didn't really like

anyone else

to come near and touch her

she'd bristle her hackles

then suddenly bite.

Everyone told me

a dog that unfriendly

is dangerous, hazardous

should be euthanized

I have no idea

why I decided to keep her

but she chose me

I couldn't leave her if I'd tried.

Every day

I'd wake up, go running

she kept pace with me

then we'd go for a ride

speeding across

flat country highways

to the site

of the _Enterprise_

I'd check in with the captain

get warp notes from Scotty

inspect shuttles with Carol

check up on supplies

collab on navs with Pavel

figure panels with Keenser

conference with 0718

work auxiliary with Madeleine

and in all this

she stayed by my side.

Everyone learned

to give her wide berth

get used to her presence

respect her fierce pride

she was cool and aloof

distant to friends and strangers

except Nyota, Bones, Christine

Darwin, and Madeleine.

After work I'd go back

with her to the apartment

we'd go walk to the river

and then she and I

would swim

chase the squirrels

dig up moles

watch the beetles

do anything

everything

except

to go fly.

Since the events of the _Vengeance_

I didn't touch flightcraft

since our falling through atmo

I never once tried

to keep current on training

clock hours for simming

practice anti-G straining

or work out- I lied

I just couldn't do it

I'd get claustrophobic

throw up and panic

didn't matter what exercise

I think if I didn't

have Tamara beside me

it'd be so much worse

like losing my life.

But she was there

I'd wake up to her licking

my face when my nightmares

blew up in my mind

she was there, sitting calm

when I sweated while driving

she'd look at me, trusting

when I'd pull off to the side.

The pieces came back

they came back really slowly

no one mentioned it, worried

they said I'm such a zen guy

keeping my cool

in all of our crises

keeping my calm

in the aftermath's tide

I'm Sulu

I'm steady

that's true of all pilots

you can't fly a ship

without discipline designed

to immediate response

to all captain's orders

and immediate reaction

to the situation's timeline.

Tamara, she knew me

she kept my convictions

she slept right beside me

a brief year

until the day that she died

she left me as suddenly

as when she had found me

and that night I broke down

and that night I cried.

That morning I woke up

went to our shared river

buried her under

our beloved willow hide

That day I went

straight to the shuttles

launched into air

through atmo to fly

back up to space

and when I descended

I stared at our planet

Pale Blue Dotted fly.

She lived there, Tamara

she lived without telling

me her whole story

though I told her mine

She lived there and I will

always be humbled

grateful and wonder

why she chose to spend time

with a human so wingtorn

tired but functional

drained of the smaller

pleasures of life

She lived, and gave me

my life by being

all that she was

without compromise.

She lived.

That is how I fly."


	27. xxvi penelope

"My father was a weaver. He taught me the skill.

My mother sewed ceremonial robes from the brocades

but my father loved tapestry most of all.

I remember as he prepared his weighted loom

he never knew what scene would come from the threads.

In his early years, he loved depictions of battle,

of warriors mounted on sargh, spearing tusked targh

with warriguls circling round the fatally wounded prey

or scenes of Du', tIr in the fields, the shadows of scythes at harvest time

or the great ngem with Sor, light filtering through branches

In his middle years, he changed radically

he began working with patterns and color

things every weaver masters before creating tapestry

My father began weaving in fields of shifting color

he sold fewer tapestries, but he hung them all on our walls

watching the dull colors catch fire in sunrise,

and bright colors fade with age and exposure to light

Then the tide came and looms were abandoned

for war preparations and warmthless turmoil

burning anything for fuel, eating anything for fuel

my mother found work recycling cloth from warrior uniforms

my father worked digging canals by day

weaving on his loom by night, his pockets full of lint

to feed his loom. I learned to weave using my father's scraps

he taught me subtle tricks to make broken thread seamless

to draw the middle color from threads of opposites

to draw patterns from repetition without design

my father taught me to accept the rhythm of the loom

and the instincts of fingers, which sometimes breaks strands

sometimes chooses the wrong thread

sometimes refuses to accept a perfectly woven piece

my first tapestries were unspeakably ugly

made of bloodied cloth, hair of animals, metal wire

but my father saw them and told me, I had a gift

so I continued to weave. We wove standing together

every night, as my mother sang old songs

to keep the beat of the shuttle weaving back and forth.

Canal work is dirty. Digging. Draining. Pouring cement.

They pushed all the workers so hard, in the name of Empire

even the strongest succumbed to exhaustion and broken hands.

My father, unskilled in construction, did the most menial things

transporting dirt in carts, removing rocks from the soil,

mixing cement. He came back, less and less

each night. One night, he went to his old loom

the one his mother taught to him- he threaded the warps

wrapped around the back strap, and began to weave.

His hands were rough and cracked, broken nails and filthy

I don't know what he used, how he found such beautiful SIrgh

the last tapestry he wove, he never finished.

He is buried under the canal.

I weave every night to complete what he started

every morning I undo it

unable to trust the rhythm of the loom.

My mother lived on much longer, by night sewing

by day delivering drinking water to the workers.

She lived on even to learn the new loom machines

that produced thousands of squares of thin cloth

going from worker, to vu'wI' of ten, to nach of one hundred

her uniforms outfitting ten million warriors.

I did not ask her, when she died, what she found in her life.

By Qo'NoSian honor, we lived and rose.

When my mother died, she simply breathed, "At last,"

turned over, and was still.

I- chose this place

not out of exile, but searching for that piece of myself

I lose every day with the sunrise

At night, every thread fits my fingers

I can hear my mother's voice singing

and my father's gentle breathing

as I stand and weave

Come day, the loom stands a menace

the warps frayed from years

of weaving, unweaving

the threads are covered in the oil of my fingers

and I can smell the canal waters in the cloth.

I did not understand until seeing you here

that it is my death I am weaving

every day I undo it in some strange instinct

to find another pattern

another fate to our lives

every night I weave

to regain nameless things lost

in the passage of our time."


	28. xxvii roses

"My mother grew roses. She didn't have a green thumb.

Each spring, I'd count the rosebushes which,

no amount of digging 'round the roots and spraying antifungals

would bring them back. Each spring, my mother would

expand her garden, planting more than she'd lost.

She was a research scientist, interested in terraforming.

She imagined a programme where any planet,

no matter how barren, could be made to support humanoid life.

She considered the conditions for roses to be perfect

for any humanoid civilisation: temperate, moist, and bright.

If I hadn't specialised in weaponry, I might have considered

ecoforming instead. Or perhaps something completely different.

The principles of ecoforming are different from ecology. In ecoforming,

the assumption is that there is no ecosystem to balance,

only raw matter. It's much like a chemical equation,

and my mother sought to find the right reagents in the right proportions

to establish her rose equilibrium.

My mother and father were both devoted to expansion,

reaching into space through two sides of the same principle:

the idea that we might subjugate by willpower alone

through the force of our technology, whatever stood opposed.

My mother's rosebushes never lived longer than five years

but it didn't matter because more roses could be bought

at the greenhouse. She had an arsenal of fertilisers,

automatic watering systems, and pesticides.

Her new plants always produced wonderful blooms

the first two years, before declining in their last three.

Fungus, mites, disease, frost-

most often the graft would die and wild stalks emerged.

When Vulcan was lost and they searched

for a new planet, I didn't understand why they didn't choose something

that would make colonisation easier. Or change

their rock garden for something more fertile.

I understood the desire for a familiar climate, but New Vulcan

has less water for more land. Why not ecoform

to recreate what they had before? Wouldn't that be

in their best interests for the survival of their species?

The Vulcan Science Academy vehemently opposed any plan

of planet-wide ecoforming. Localised modifications, they accepted.

But they despised my mother's work. Just as they abhorred

my father's use of their planet's destruction to justify

his military preparations against Qo'NoS.

My mother loved her roses and took pleasure in every bloom.

But there was always the feeling that the bushes came second to

her image of freshly cut flowers in a crystal vase.

She was attentive to their every need

except their individual ones. And that is where, I think

my parents failed. I don't think it called for open disdain

on the part of the Vulcans. They never bothered to explain

their self evident truths: that within their idea of IDIC

is the first principle of ecology- every ecosystem is unique.

Attempting to recreate Vulcan, or a planet for roses

destroys the diversity and strange environment of the planet

a new, unknown place.

That within the Prime Directive is a mandate to themselves-

to allow the ecosystem to change their species

just as they are changing the ecosystem.

My father and mother were partners in the same endeavour

to make worlds safe and habitable for us,

somehow blinded to how it sweeps away other, unknown lives.

My father was willing to save me, and only me

because he was not willing to remember: life is unique.

My mother died in London, casket smothered in peach roses.

The local gardening club tends to her rosebushes now.

I am in space to change the world, and let the world change me.

That is the exchange that fathers and mothers fear for their daughters

and for themselves.

On this ship, with these people, in the time, at this place

I believe I can change the world, but they ask of me-

Do I accept First Contact?

Can I first accept that there are many worlds old, wide, unknown

and will I let them change me?

Facing this is like touching face-crushing fear."


	29. xxviii epikaste

"I was collected during the Great Militarization

they called it collecting then, not imprisonment

all the old words were hurled down as deceitful symbols

now the old words have come back in the years recent

The collection- I did not have good Suvwl' background

my mother came from Du', my father Suy kind

but in those days, the prisons were not as bad

the labor was hard, the plank beds were cramped

but we had food and even some days of rest

This was before the press for machine building fervor

came to an unbearable fevered pitch

days that most tlhIngans cannot even remember

they are too young, children during the switch.

I was on the collective serving time with hard labor

the men and the women were in separate camps

but this fact for us never prevented

somehow finding each other and seeking contact

I became pregnant. I had not finished my time

Babies and children are forbidden to us

they took my child without even telling me

whether it was daughter or a son.

They sent him to another city

to be raised by a warrior birthed family chun.

I cried bitter tears that night breathing softly

feeling loneliness beyond what I thought could be borne.

The years passed. Labor eased my dry sobbing

the rhythm of work rubbing life to my bones

I was released. Though the collection time followed me

I found a good job in a large factory

assembling parts for the warbird weapons

I spent my free time with my new friends happily.

A few years passed in this way, times grew harder

the war and the purges swelling to strong

sweeps of a tide that we could not resist and

it was in this time that he emerged like a song.

A young man, quiet, with clean iron honor

he'd completed his schooling with engineering degree

to improve the machines of weapon manufacture

ever practical, he began by questioning everybody

What were the parts that broke down the fastest?

What were the parts that were difficult to fix?

What would we do in his stead for this project?

What kind of improvements did we think we could list?

That is how we came into contact

and who could have guessed that we would fall in love?

He admired my steady, soothing work rhythm

I admired his hands, gentle like a dove.

We married each other when the purges were blackest

he stood true to me and I trusted him like no one

when the worst hunting had passed, I found myself pregnant

in the years following, I bore two daughters, two sons.

One summer's day with the sun high above us

tlhIngan officials appeared at our step

they looked at our children, asked to speak to us in private

we feared, but did not know what to fear yet.

They stepped into our home, I felt sick to my stomach

would this be about my collectived years?

would this be about his work, did a silent

traitor denounce us- and why did they leer?

'You, epiKhas, once bore a child who was taken away

to Kh'ritlh to be reared. Is that correct?'

'I do not know. They never told me

where the child would grow. My knowledge has been dark all these years.'

'You never once thought to seek to find him.'

'I did not know I had borne a son. I sought only to

find a place in Qo'NoS, to fulfill my duties and live with Qun.'

'You bore a son in the year the Great Militarization

was finished ahead of its seven year plan

You bore a son who was given in Kh'ritlh

to the family P'lybus, who raised him with the demand

that he excel in the disciplines of weapons and science

so he took a degree in that course and came to this land

to work in a factory to improve manufacture

of our warbird disruptors and fiery brands.

He has served Qo'NoS well, meeting every demand

So impressed was the Director-Qel factory commander

that he desired to trust your selfsame son and husband

with the construction of a new, larger better weapons plants

but we find now it is impossible to grant

this otherwise remarkable honorable man

for he has taken as wife his mother's own hand.'

You cannot know what I felt.

You cannot know my despair.

To see the face of my beloved husband

the lost child of my labor whom the fates had begotten

such a tale of blood. Blood, labor, despair.

To see in my children, my sons and my daughters

lost in fates, blood, labor, despair.

That very next day my husband was working

the weapon exploded, burned his hands and his face

it blinded him and rendered his hands dead and useless

he almost died from the shock

but I could not let him go so I wrapped my arms to embrace

'It is not our fault that our paths became twisted

we neither could know this secret hid in our blood

the fates have been cruel, but beloved I will kiss your

sweet eyes and sweet hands and sweet lips despite blood

You are your own person with a past from me distant

I am my own person falling in a love of my own

Fates made us one blood, but beloved I resist it

I don't believe fates led us to cursed love of our bones

I do not love you for a son's blood and body

You do not love me for my birth of your life

We love each other for the strength lent in darkness

We love each other for our joys despite strife

Beloved, our children. Can you regret them?

Can you regret such small beautiful lives?

They should not exist by blood-lined ordinance

but what is done is done, can you regret life?'

Thus you find us here living. Together, in exile

children now dispersed. One daughter a healer

one son a priest, another musician and the last

likely deceased- she was running to Orion

we have not heard of her since."

"What was her name?" "ant'Qlan. Wild and untroubled.

She knew of her blood and hated tlhIngan's laws.

She thought she might find answer in stars."

"We'll look out for your daughter in our travels

We'll tell her you're here, still living in love."

"I am getting old, my husband's health is failing

the pain of his eyes never leaves him, he says

We may not live many more summers.

Fates have been harsh, even after we fled.

But in all this, I will never regret

choosing blood-cursed, fated life

over choosing our death.

In all this, I will always remember

these years learning life

endures even incest

and allows us to live

through its horrors and threats."

* * *

Warning: Incest.


	30. xxix daedalus

"I'm no good with words

and neither is Keenser

back on Earth, after _Vengeance_

Nyota took me to see a painting

she said it was important, so we went.

I know my limits

Keenser's seen them long ago

that's why I resigned my commission

that's why I let go

when I can't do something, I can't do it

not a matter of willpower or physics

Keenser won't do, won't follow

into what he can't fix

we agreed to that early on

push each other farther along in what we know we can do,

that's easy.

I can break a few transwarp equations,

he can break what's possible in a warp core:

we won't break each other.

That moment turning in my PADD

Jim was willing.

It was in his eyes.

It didn't occur to me, as much as he was willing to break ship and crew

he was willing to break himself.

Do you know that myth about Daedalus?

Nyota took me to see the painting

and that about sums it up

Ikaros falling—fallen, head in the water, legs kicking

shepherd and plowman looking the other way

like they're distracted by the clouds.

That's what falling is.

It doesn't matter if it's feathers, wax, and the sun

or a starship with radioactive engine.

This is the thing-

the myth of Ikaros:

I was going to tell Jim

before he knocked me out

Keenser was on his way, with a portable transporter

just relay the coordinates

and he could get directly into the core

without the climb

realign the bloody thing and stabilize us before we burned up

and what's more:

he's immune to the radiation.

Jim wouldn't have needed to die.

That's what I witnessed.

Pointlessly, needlessly

slow, agonizing death and Spock's grief

because they got pulled into the sun.

When Nyota took us to see that painting

Keenser was the one who cried

thinking of the things he could have fixed,

or at least prevented

if he'd had a little more time on the ship.

That's Daedalus."


	31. xxx klytaimestra

"I am the war whore who denounced my husband

he came back victorious with glory on his head

he had helped conquer the creatures on a colony foreign

he was gone seven years without missing my bed

I fell in love with another- and isn't that _blasphemous_

to love another when your husband's honor is red.

It was the time of the purges, when mNoS was looking

for anyone, anything that might be suspect

my husband the hero I hated as lover

so I reported him to our Intelligence Sect.

It was happenstance that my lover made the arrest.

They tortured him, beat him, screamed thousands of questions

accused him of having plans to defect

brought false papers detailing a plot against mNoS

said if he didn't confess, he could only expect

death, dishonor, his erasure from record

but in all this he held true, for my stupid husband

is loyal to tlhIngan to the point of blindness

he was certain that this was a mistake, nothing less.

I watched when they brought the order from mNoS

for his execution- he saw with his eyes

the seal of his dearest Great High Commander

it was this betrayal that at last made him cry.

They shot him right there in that dark bloody cellar.

They hold trial, jury, judge with that table and chair.

My husband was not the first, nor the last to

see pleas for mercy met with indifferent stare.

Say what you will of me: that I am a cruel, cunning woman

that I should have never so terribly devised

the end to my husband, father of my children

but I will say this to you in reply:

What do you do upon marrying someone

whose ideas about the world you have come to despise?

What do you do when you marry a general

who may be a hero but _never _sympathized

with his soldiers, his wife, his children, the actual

people whose lives his warmongering would effect-

What do you do when you marry an admiral

whose sole purpose in life is to conquer and wreck

everything- _everything_- for the glory of tlhIngan.

Perhaps you will say it was my error to elect

to marry this tlhIngan, that I should have rejected

his proposal. All choices are clear in retrospect.

But I have a weakness- the same as my husband

I love power and revolution. I loved changing systems

I loved pure governance, to enact policies to better our mores.

It is an old story for intentions of revolution

to decay in the violence and process of time

It was a story that I had not lived yet

I have lived it now, ideals covered in grime.

Somewhere along, honor turned to war.

Somewhere along, the law became broken

every act justified by some future ideal

'After this battle, Qo'NoS will be peaceful

After this traitor's found, paradise will be healed

After the planet's uprooted to turn out the devils

we can return to building our society of steel

After one more victory and blood rimmed fear cycle

our fates will return and our dreams will be real!'

I stopped believing. He never stopped.

I became selfish and found vengeance instead

that made life sweeter than any revolution

that gave back some pieces _honor_ painted red.

I denounced my husband, sent my own son to prison

why shouldn't I get something from mNoS' paranoid pride

after years of watching everything turn to violence

my youngest was silent and for this she survived.

But one day at home, my lover was not waiting.

He disappeared. I stayed up many nights

smoking, ignoring the gnawing within me

shivering at the thought of black coats and dim lights.

Illusions are costly, I cannot afford them

most days I forget in the details of life

the hours portioned out with some easy calling

the washing, the reading, the mending, a nap.

My son was redeemed from his prisoner sentence

he and my daughter now hunt me to get back

some part of their youth, their own lost illusions

I was not a good mother, I admit freely to that.

I've fled to this place where the silent are gathered

they leave me alone, they despise me for my past

but we are all nameless, faceless, unlisted

equally dead before law so they do not attack.

There are some days I wonder, why didn't I leave him

why go through the theater of the entire revenge?

Why not run away with my devoted lover?

What in all Qo'NoS was I trying to avenge?

You might say my illusions, but I know the answer:

I still had enough feeling to burn up with hate

I had to kill him. I had to see him broken.

I had to see that I had broken his fate.

His face at that seal is the one that stays with me

not my lover's smile, or his ecstasy

those are quiet things that he gave to me, gentle

I am defined by destruction, hatred, jealousy.

You feel sympathy for me. Your eyes make it clear.

Let me tell you something that will drive it away.

My husband was broken by the seal of his lover.

He and mNoS became honor-sworn in the war's dark days

after that time, they were closer than brothers

and that is why I killed him, using his mate.

Let me tell you one more thing to complete my _love_ story

I had three children, two daughters, one son

my eldest daughter followed the command of her father

one battle their unit was outnumbered, outgunned

my daughter came back to me in five shattered pieces

I learned what happened from a warrior returned

who spoke high praise of her valour, courage, brilliance

without being able to look me in my face.

I pressed the truth out of him.

My husband sent her on a suicide mission

sacrificing her life for mNoS' embrace.

She would be four years older than you today, Captain.

Younger than Mr. Chekhov when she went into space.

Dead. We are caught in the Furies.

War wreaks vengeance on us all."

* * *

Warning: Mentions of torture.


	32. xxxi joanna

"I never talk about my wife and daughter.

I'm only going to say this once.

My daughter committed suicide.

There was nothing after that.

Jill and I-

We married young. Twenty one.

We were in love. Crazy.

We had Joanna when I was still in school.

We had a house, a yard, a cat.

We lived that way for sixteen years.

Georgia summers, cool mint tea.

I never eat peaches.

Space lets me forget the past.

My wife was the love of my life

but she and I

couldn't

our daughter's death.

Jo was thirteen.

Jill took everything. I wanted nothing.

It's not about blame but what you can bear.

I left home. Enlisted.

They almost didn't take me, psychological risk.

But I told them it's either space or the bottle

I didn't much care.

Made a second life there. Here.

Space makes me angry.

That's why I'm alive.

I don't think about what went wrong.

Might have been, could have been.

I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor.

My baby girl.

It's possible to pick up the pieces

but the rearrangement might have you

scratching your head. Sometimes

I wake up, wondering how the hell I did I get here

wasn't everything supposed to be different?

Didn't I have something else in mind instead?

My baby girl.

I don't ever visit Joanna

I don't call Jill. I don't visit old haunts.

I haven't stepped foot in the state of Georgia

since I left. As far as I care

the place is gone.

We loved our girl, but she somehow hated

her life, her skin, she couldn't see

eleven is young for self mutilation

We had family and individual therapy

enrolled her in a private school with

teachers, counsellors specialized.

A course of pills that would leave her

hyperactive or catatonic

but there were precious, glorious days

when she was happy, radiant.

For a while, we'd achieved balance

it was never easy, but we had months

when the good days outnumbered the bad.

The experts say

and I'm an expert

that puberty

hormones

brought on too many changes

her body didn't adjust properly

caused chemical imbalance, led to depression

anxiety, obsession, you get the idea.

Mostly I hear

I failed

as a parent

as a doctor

as a father

as a person

Jill felt the same way

we blamed ourselves and each other

Joanna bled herself

to death.

You'll say that a child doesn't know what she's doing

she wasn't a child.

She knew what she wanted.

She couldn't see an end to the battle with her body.

There's nothing to say when someone wants death more

than anything life offers.

Never mind perspective, age, the neurotransmitters.

My girl loved to play music

and win holovid games

she giggled when Jill

would make silly faces

I've only got my bones left.

Sometimes she would cry and cry

as Jill and I held her

other times there was rage

we took her to a Betazoid mind healer

who couldn't do anything

said she must grow into her mind.

This is the last time

I'll say something about her

Jill knew Jo better

she saw deeper inside

my daughter

loved the color yellow

because she loved lemonade

and honeymelons

and french fries."

* * *

Warning: Suicide.


	33. xxxii kore

"Have you ever been hungry, with children, Captain Kirk

have you ever been brought down below your knees

there is nothing to eat, nothing to earn

your partner is conscripted in our great tlhIngan fleet

you have not seen her for four years and counting

your children are crying for something to eat

there are bodies of the dead, the shattered and dying

there are bodies but nothing, nothing to eat

you have eaten the leather of your shoes and coat

you have boiled newspaper to grey pulp to relieve

their cries and the endless endlessly gnawing

you dream only of fields, of orchards, and meat

You already know the conclusion to this

my children were dying, my partner likely dead

I kept their mouths clean, their conscience unburdened

in the blackest time I did. I desecrated the dead.

My children are living, my son sent for training

whatever the army, they give food and a bed

my daughter lives with me, we don't speak of my partner

whose name has gone missing from the registry for bread

I have no opinion. I have no answer. I have only

my children with me. I have shoes on my feet

I have food every day now. Sometimes my daughter

will bring something sweet. Sometimes my son

sends us a package of things we had forgotten

to dream of: honey, brown spice, and cured salty meat.

But this thing you offer, this strange yellow fruit

is nothing like I have ever once seen

The scent of the peel, the taste juice and sour

as though to expel any lingering sting."

"Christine Chapel has said that eating a lemon

cuts any bitter in half and brings you back to now."

"It reminds me of a day my beloved

asked me to hold her hands in a vow."

She smiled, lemon juice still wet on her lips

ate peel and another second remembered

still smiling, then licked her stained fingertips.

"That is my story. It is not uncommon

for many women with children who lived through that time.

This fruit is quite strange- I have not forgotten

simply shifted perspective to this thin yellow rind."

"Keep the seeds. Maybe someday you'll plant that orchard

a row of lemon trees for your beloved."

"The soil here is poor, I will not expect it

to grow, flower, fruit, for the branches to spread."

"You never know. Spock told me once

how the same vine, the same seed, can grow in other lands

produce different fruit that is none the less brilliant

for being produced outside native sands.

Keep it. Perhaps she will return

one day, one day touch your hand."

She was silent, closed her eyes, shook her head.

"Do not look for hope. But I will plant a seed

and let it be. We will see what happens.

That's enough for me."

* * *

Warning: Mentions of cannibalism.


	34. xxxiii leave

The talks took place over course of ten nighttimes

the time flowing fast with each cadenced story

each night there was risk of their being discovered

each night they ignored it in favor of reaching

a small new beginning founded in compassion

respect, admiration, clear eyes without clinging

to past hurts and wounds, their preconceived notions

of each other's cultures, their lives, their suffering.

Neither tlhIngan nor Federation knew what would happen

Jim had no grand plan to incite anarchy

that would lead to more war, pain, destabilization

they went there to witness, to listen, to see.

Whatever came next, who knew?

The eleventh day, they wanted to stay longer

but SeplH'ne told them they all must leave

rumors had reached the ears of steel mNoS

warbirds were coming to seal any breach.

"It is likely," she said, "I will be executed

any excuse, real or not, will serve to put me

into the arms of the gripping, shredding mind-ripper

they will discover the truth there easily."

"You knew this would happen." "Yes."

"You knew, and you let us, you asked them to speak."

"There are some things worth dying for, Kirk,

you have done it.

They speak of your death with a terrible grief."

"If you're going to die, then why not come with us?

We can give asylum, there's got to be a way.

I won't leave you here to face death alone

I want you to see those lemon trees someday."

"And what of my children? My son and my daughter?

If I leave, they will be punished for my crimes to pay

on Qo'NoS, there are no outstanding debts, Captain

everything must die. Everyone has their day."

"Then what of the others? Will they be executed also?"

"They all came to speak, knowing full well

the likely outcome of breaking silence of hell.

We are the dead, Spock, of a different degree

your people died swiftly. We live knowing we

in one way or another will die, broken, forgotten

returning to silence of the bloodless ghostly."

"What if we talked to mNoS?" "Do not, Nyota Uhura,

mNoS has no mercy. He will not listen to you

he listens to no other. Only death will relieve

his grip. Do not attempt to kill him, _Enterprise_.

If you do, tlhIngan honor demands war between us."

"You're asking us to wait." "Wait for the death of mNoS

then open a channel for our worlds to have peace

my tlhIngans here will spread word of your visit

so laying the groundwork for possibilities."

And in the next generation, when tlhIngans joined starships

the officer Worf would claim ancestry

as descending from she who stood, qumwl' of lhedaS

saying before mNoS words that tlhIngans would speak

when taking their oaths to honor their planet,

from SeplH'ne, queen who reigned over the dead and the weak.

"I stand here accused of crimes thus committed—

of speaking to aliens to learn of their ways

of upholding the honor and rights of our species

of living with valor and courage in my day

I stand here accused of treason and murder—

for refusing to torture a peace-seeking race

for refusing to hold trial without justice or honor

for keeping my principles, knowing when not to obey

I stand here accused of living and showing

what is just, what is right, what is wrong, what we pay

to live without freedom and honor forgoing

I stand here to die with my honor this day."


	35. xxxiv ship

Back on the ship, traveling at warp

the mood was subdued—little to say

the captain had everyone watch the recordings

of their interviews on SeplH'ne's domain

also including the _Enterprise_ telling

things must be transparent for them to regain

the old purpose of fostering peace between species

so let everything stand in public record again.

They forwarded everything to Sarek on New Vulcan

they entrusted him to keep the records safe

to be used for the right time some point in the future

As for Starfleet, they debated whether to disclose anything.

Nyota and Sulu had doubts that the admirals

would welcome the news and approve of the way

they'd handled the mission—most still coveted intelligence

thinking diplomacy a waste of resources.

But Carol pointed out that they never outright forbade

missions fostering relations, she reminded them of Qyklops

the admirals would admire their sheer determination

because it takes guts to do what they did.

Scotty pointed out they had other recourses

they could directly release the interview tapes

to the media public on all Federation planets

to change the perception of tlhIngan warrior face.

Bones said the stories were personal, entrusted

to them as a crew, not used to play games

in interstellar relations, political dramas

they needed to remember and respect the honor

when stories dealt with slavery, incest, cannibalism, hate.

Chekhov thought it best to edit the story

preserve the heart, allow the details to fade

Christine thought it had to be everything or nothing

to change their lives was to unjustly replace

ugly things with things everyone wanted

to hear about others instead of embracing

both sides fully, no matter how haunting.

Spock deferred to his captain. Cirqce and SeplH'ne

had addressed Jim, not the rest

whatever Jim said would be the last word

but Jim wanted everyone's word to be said.

"Spock?" He answered

"Perhaps it would be best to do as SeplH'ne asked—

wait for a time, an opportune moment

to introduce, disclose, the tlhIngan's war-dead."

"But sometimes you have to make opportunities.

I can't wait around while she's executed

for hosting us, giving us safe passage and freely

speaking, allowing, risking all that she has."

"Then perhaps risk releasing a transcripted volume

this protects their faces, leaves their voices secret

replace the key names but none of the content

have Communications translate to all dialects

post this on the nets, allow it to slowly

spread as an account of the _Enterprise_ set

our name will attract interest and then your opportunity

will present itself later, created and met."

"And what about Starfleet? That would be going

completely over their heads."

"Starfleet must face their own questions of ethics."

"It's been a long time, coming. I agree with Spock," Bones said.

"I'll get my people to start on the translations."

"Carol and Christine—you know the admiralty

Can you compile and contact a list of possible people

who'd be willing to risk their careers in the fleet."

"Done, sir." "Sulu, take the conn." "Aye, Captain." "And Pavel

I need you to contact your brother.

He's Section 31, intelligence officer?"

"Yes, Keptan." "See what you can find out about their plans

How receptive they'd be to encouraging diplomacy."

"Immediately, Keptan." "Scotty, if Fleet calls, keep them distracted."

"Can do, Jim." "And Jim, where the hell will you be?"

"Talking to Spock. Taking care of some business.

Everyone has their orders. Our next mission isn't for

72 hours, so everyone rest, regroup, perform admirably."

Bones snorted. "Don't forget you're due for a physical!"

"Got it. Spock. You're with me."


	36. xxxv live

"After two months on Earth

you went to New Vulcan.

Why?"

"I questioned whether

I desired to stay,

Jim."

Silence.

"Starfleet no longer

upheld the values

I hold sacred.

To order us to

hunt individuals

without trial or listening

to their crimes and fears.

To command us to

launch photon torpedoes

commit an act of war

that would be without peer.

To demote you from

captain of _Enterprise_

to maintain face

and righteous veneer.

To coerce another

person on waking

to build weapons

threatening those they hold dear.

To execute us

for following orders

then write off the deaths

as punishing mutineers.

To refuse to give

us any assistance

while we were fighting

within Earth's orbital sphere.

To support the orders

to promote an admiral

who made Starfleet an army

to personally commandeer.

To banish us hoping

on our five year mission

we would come back broken

perhaps disappear.

I never agreed.

When I enlisted in Starfleet

I did not give them the right

to compromise me.

My service is bound

to my ethical standards

Starfleet broke them

repeatedly.

Vulcan principles are

the center of Starfleet

our tradition of spaceflight

is older than Earth's.

The Prime Directive,

exploration, IDIC, First Contact,

to me are my values

to me they have worth.

Else you will have those

who would crush other life forms

bent on colonizing

every galaxy

Else you will have those

who think war their birthright

because they happen to have

some technology.

Else you will have

a cold man like Marcus

starting a war

preemptively.

For this, I left.

I will not live

to do what is wrong.

It may be

I cannot do what is right.

But I will not purposely seek

to do what is wrong.

No one has the right

to ask that of anyone."

Silence.

"Why did you come back?"

Quiet.

"You left me a holo

asking me to return.

You detailed our mission

our command team

you said you would like

to see me in person

before the ceremony

rechristening

I had not decided

whether to stay

until you spoke

your words of grief."

Silence.

"Captain?"

Blue eyes.

"They all told me

they'd only come back

to go on this mission

if you were there too.

Nyota, Scotty, Chekhov, Sulu

half the command team

and a third of the crew.

I think they saw

who I am under orders

how quickly I put

their lives on the line.

I think they saw

how you always tell me

when you disagree

how often you're right."

Silence.

"When I called, I was bluffing

I thought I would lose you

I thought I'd lose everything

even after I'd died

I put us in

that nightmare without thinking

I made a mistake

I paid with my life.

If I lost you and the ship

twice within living

I don't know what I'd do

that's why I tried

to say something

anything

worth five years of living

with me in the chair

and you by my side."

Silence.

"Jim

I could forgive Starfleet many things

even through the ordeal

I might have returned

But

To cost the lifeblood

of one I hold precious-

I could not forgive.

I could not return.

Jim

I cannot live to witness

your hands falling limp

your eyes once again.

We have witnessed death

we have seen destruction

My mother disappeared

before my own eyes

but Jim-

to witness your dying moment

I could not endure

not one more time.

The answer you presented

asked me to live

asked me to come back

despite grief inside.

The message you spoke

asked us to try

to restore our wonder

to rebuild, revive.

That is the only

reason I came back

the reason I trust you

the reason I cried."

Silence.

"Bones told me

when you were in the volcano

if I were there

you would let me die.

Nyota told me

how you went after Khan

with intent to kill

pay a life with a life."

"At one point

I attacked Khan psionically.

Brought forward memories

he never wanted to have

never wanted replayed

I cannot hate him.

I would not wish to remember

his blood-ridden past."

"I know you put him to sleep again

that you got his blood with his consent

that you put him back in space again

somewhere hidden, alive.

The Admiralty was furious

they wanted at least to harvest the blood

as a miracle serum to save lives.

By then you'd gone to Vulcan."

"We made a trade

we'd made before

this time on fair terms

a life for a rest

his blood for your sleep

we were both tired of death."

Quiet.

"Why did you leave me.

I needed you then.

You don't know how

I felt my heart stop

when Nyota said

you'd left."

"Captain."

"My name, Spock."

Soft.

"Jim.

I could not.

The repeated fractures.

The ubiquitous death.

I could not.

I touched the bottom.

I found in myself

a bleak prospect

I found the conviction

friendships are not born

in conditions of trouble

love is not born

in conditions of need.

There are stories

littering life and literature

where difficult conditions

form enduring bonds

but I found their conditions

not difficult enough.

If tragedy and need

bring people together

then the need was not extreme

the tragedy not great.

Jim, I fractured.

I faced on New Vulcan

immersed in our loss

questioning our fate

tragedy so deep and sharp

it can never be shared

with friends.

I did not know

if I wanted to see

anyone again.

I have lost my planet

my people

myself

you

I could not lose

my ethics

It was all I had left.

It was all I had left."

"You had me, Spock."

"I did not have you.

I had the horror of your death

the press of my fingers

against a wall."

"You ran away

when I needed you."

"Jim.

I had nothing left."

"Spock

I had nothing too.

I needed you

and you left."

"Jim

what do you desire me to say?

That your love would sustain me

even through your death?"

"I _didn't die_. I am _alive_.

You're using my death as

another excuse."

"Did you expect me to be

so relieved by that fact

that I could ignore

everything else?

Does life wipe away

the memory of

what I thought occurred?

Do your eyes wipe away

the knowledge of death

the visceral, terrible

immovable certainty

of living through death?

Jim. I had _nothing_.

Nothing left to give

incapable to receive

inadequate to live."

Soft.

"I am here now.

Is that not enough?

T'hy'la

We are here now

speaking

is this not enough?"

Hands touching hands.

"Don't leave again.

Don't ever leave again.

Don't ever fucking say

you don't want to see

us again.

I came back from death

to the shock of living."

"I returned from nothing

because you asked."

Breathing.

"Spock."

"Jim- beloved."

"Come with me to bed.

We've said enough."

"Jim."

"Come with me.

You've known how I feel

for the longest time."

Dark eyes.

"Please, come.

I'm asking.

I'm asking again."

Quiet.

"I am here, Jim."

Breathe.

"I am here."

And so

worlds align.


	37. xxxvi die

what can you say when love lays you bare

what do you say when you die in the night

to be reborn in his arms come morning

what do you find in that soft aural light

/

what do you say when he touches you softly

hands rev'rent, eyes seeking an answer to might

to bring you undone with unholy devotion

like whisp'ring a prayer to the gods of the fight

/

'let the fates grant reprieve, let the furies surrender

this is my love, the love of my life

he holds my grief, my sins, my undoing

he holds my hands to his heart, my heart in his side'

/

death will hold sway and wars will keep churning

life eats itself to continue the strife

this is the cycle, this is the burning

of one long day, and one long night

/

but oh- in this morning when you sweetly surrender

your heart to his hands and your life to time

you accept your limits without any sorrow

you accept your fate and your death is sublime

/

what can you say when love lays you bare

what do you do when you discover that night

the barren scorched earth held seeds of lemons

the trees are silver in the dark morning light

/

what can you say when you simply surrender

to the passage of time, the flight of your life

you accept your limits without any sorrow

you accept this love, death clearly in sight

/

what can you say when love lays you bare

what can you say when his face reignites

the embers you thought were long ago broken

what do you pray to his heart that night

/

everything returns to nothing.

the prayers you pray you will pay with your life.

words always return to sounds unspoken

dissolved in air, space-time, time-flight.

/

nothing. silence. death. coldworld.

eternity graspless. death marks all lives

but still you say, words uttered softly

before this night world dissolves to daylight

/

for this is all you know in this morning moment

the love of your life has laid body bare

and he loves you facing grief with his heartlife

so you both die, to live right here


	38. xxxvii sirens

The tenth mission in their exploration

they came upon a nebula

which produced sound of such frequencies

on subspace radio like a song

for five nights, five days they scanned, recorded

the dark dusty cloud that slowly moved

particles closer, farther, gathering

dissolving, emitting, and strangely could not prove

if this cloud and song was the end of a star

the distinct remnant of supernova

or beginning of a new solar system

the dust to collapse, form a young cluster

as the ship flew around to take detailed readings

the crew all noticed the breadth and the size

their sensors detected it was not one cloud

but like the Eagle Nebula had regions comprised

of dust newly amassed, tall like a pillar

and dust newly dead, shot through the core

and hidden within the dust there was gathered

protostars spinning, gaining mass, accounting for

the sweet notes of the song, light like soprano

the low tones of the clouds, dark like a bass

the measured hum of their warp core, steady like an alto

against the deep and pure silence of black outer space

and in the middle was singing, high as their heartbeats

the thread of a tenor, the notes faint and trace

perhaps even imagined, for space has no sound which

is organized point, counterpoint, form, consonance

still this sound filled their system, five days and five nights

they listened while sleeping, eating, recovering

what the sound gave to each, who knows that answer

but the sound lighted through them like a mythical thing

at the end of five nights, they proceeded onward

their sense of space changed facing clouds of lightyears

the captain, he named it the Siren Nebula

and they flew away

free of grief

free of fear.


	39. xxxviii monsters

They came upon

another strange region

two stellar objects

impossibly close

a pulsar which

emits cosmic radiation

that would likely kill

one sixth of the boat

and beside it

almost overlapping

a black hole which

disappeared, reappeared

between them

like the dust rings of Saturn

a river of rock

churning, grinding to shear

The wisest thing

would be flying around it

the dangers were great

the objects too close

but the _Enterprise_ crew

would have none of it

enchanted by

this celestial host

Such a monstrous pulsar!

huge and consistent

regular in its beam

of deadly cosmic rays

Such a strange black hole!

that existed, then didn't

sucking up space-time

then spitting out again

The dust in between

sometimes orbited Skylla

only to be swallowed

when Charybdis arrived

then Charybdis threw up

in a roaring explosion

the dust and gas

it had digested inside

no one had ever

seen anything like it

they watched from afar

not believing their eyes

but sensors they showed

this truly existed

the question was

do they dare venture in?

do they risk life and crew

ship, science, and mission

for one moment

facing these stellar twins?

Logic said no

their duty was only

observe as far as

safe practice allowed

Spirit said yes

their mission had lately

been sorrow, forgetting

the thrill of profound

Word strangely agreed

with Spirit's assessment

because to be living

one must feel alive

Heart pointed out

that living, thrill seeking

are two different things

to live is to strive

Wind thought their mission

was exploration and wonder

was breaking limits and seeking

new thresholds in tests

Warp said they too often

broke ship and each other

pushing beyond physics

in that process

Rose and Thorn disagreed

Rose thought of potential

no one had ever touched matter

that had touched a black hole

Thorn thought of the limits

of absolutes, of shattered

memories ejecting core

and ship punched through with toll

Kolokol voiced that he

would like to explore them

but with this kind of sand pressure

it was suicide to try

then Ethics, with soft voice

clear conscience and feeling

said it was their duty

to explore and to fly

For ethics not only

provides rules and safe borders

but finds the _right_ boundaries

to allow every life

to flourish, prosper, and multiply fully

without inflicting

such a terrible cost

minimizing any

pain and suffering

that beings will pay

in the process of loss

It was risky and dangerous

but with proper precautions

with protocols in place

and staff fully briefed

the _Enterprise_ could manage

to take close range readings

and witness the monsters

without causing grief

it would cost careful timing

some preparation and planning

nothing so reckless

as blind flying the breach

but with commitment and daring

to exploration and science

they could discover

recover, find wonder, and reach.

The next seven days

they committed their sensors

to making huge stellar maps

and timing the two stars

they discovered the period

of cosmic radiation

and found the frequency

of the chasm's occurrence

they sent probes and robots

to explore the dust region

one of their probes

was swallowed in space

when it reappeared

five hundred years later

it contained readings

of the time below place

they rigged up a shuttle

as remote controlled leader

which successfully navigated

their test run through sand

all of this data

would have been enough to

secure their place

in fame's grasping hand

but they weren't after fame

and they weren't after glory

they were searching for something

inside themselves

when the captain ordered

a flight between monsters

they felt prepared

they felt overwhelmed

no one had ever

done what they were doing

no one had seen

what they would see

no person alive

had ever encountered

such impersonal forces

in such proximity

so they flew

they succeeded

it was not smooth sailing

like climbing

a volcano

at midnight

with roaring thunderstorm

there were some close calls

between Skylla

Charybdis

the forces rip pulling

their ship

helm to stern

but there were no deaths

no injuries

no major losses

just laughter to have

safely soundly emerged

the few ship damages

were repaired in short order

the _Enterprise_ flew

away

leaving

in ether

the monsters' wide spectrums

indescribable, obscene

the kind that left mortals

gasping prayers to vespers

the kind made life

taste of lemon citrine.

Heart, Word, Warp, Ethics,

Spirit, Rose, Thorn, Wind

and Kolokol

witnessed

flew

to their fates unforeseen.


	40. xxxix calves

Their twelfth mission found them facing

cows and bulls once again

the cows were the color

of deep copper and gold grain

their coats reflecting the fierce sun

like a god's chosen claim

their eyes were deep red like

the sun setting at dusk

their horns were like amber

their hooves colored rust

in the herd stood one young calf

newly born, golden white

lowing at his prone mother

who was dead from her plight

Christine jumped into action

ordered the away team to find

a dead calf with live mother

so a switch might be designed

and indeed, Darwin found one

a cow bronze and black

who was licking her dead young

trying to rouse it back

Christine, Darwin, Madeleine

brought the white calf to the cow

covered it in the fluids

of the dead infant's brow

the cow smelled and tasted

this odd colored babe

but slowly accepted the child

as her own and soon laved

him over and over

with her great muscled tongue

allowed him to drink milk

and forgot the dead one.

They did not take it upon them

to seek out more dead calves

but they did what they could

in the situations they had.

They all understood

that this is the harsh tide

the way evolution

keeps all species alive

but it did not stand to reason

not to do what they could

if they found they could help

if they found something good

would it make big a difference

one life of one calf?

in the wide scheme of things

nothing special in that

but in the wide scheme of things

everything became small

and in the wide scheme of things

life was nothing at all

so fuck the wide scheme of things

they would do what they could

if they found they could help

if they found something good.


	41. xl hunger

After grief, there is hunger

an unseen marvel that

you can love strange new places

you can laugh without wrack

you can crave foods you have never

thought were flavors or dishes

you can see things without

aching bitter hard wishes

so the _Enterprise_ found

itself docked at a world

with a culture vivacious

like a treasure, a pearl

whose people embraced them

and shared all their sights

of dance, music, sculpture

cuisine, spirits, vice

vices like skiing

a little too fast

hang gliding above

a high mountain tract

vices like lazing

to read all the stacked

books or like watching

the rain light diffract

vices like swimming

in freshwater lakes

then make love all night

and again the next day

the vice of concerting

of working with clay

of drinking good liquor

of taking a break

from the hard work their labors

demanded and tolled

from their determined searching

to find something, keep hold

of each other, of purpose

to not break apart

to keep close together

to preserve their dark heart

grief might be their center

where everything starts

but life is their extra

that meaning imparts

so they woke, found their hunger

for good food and good art

let the crises and duties

on this day rest, depart.

Perhaps not a mission

but shore leave instead

that afforded them luxury

they'd forgotten and shed

restored to them now

in this moment right when

their hunger awakened:

let the eating begin.

Sulu enjoyed their

wakeboarding and sushi

he ate ramen noodles

and drank hot plum sake.

Chekhov he rode

the train for three days

through snow plain like Sibir

recalling past childhood days.

Scotty and Keenser

hit the pubs, sampled pies

got in a barfight

comparing warp engine size.

Christine and Carol

treated themselves to a spa

with hot rocks, massages

cold drinks with green straws.

Madeleine wandered through

the bazaars of the streets

buying too many things

for surprisingly cheap.

0718 and Darwin

rented sailboat and launched

themselves to the ocean

and tested their luck.

Bones picked an old city

and found the stone graves

inscribed with ink paper

and pine needles shaved.

Nyota went to rainforest

with a guide to see birds

she caught glimpses of monkeys

and leopards overheard.

Spock and Jim, they found

a house near a park

they walked hand in hand

every day before dark.

When they all came back

they were ready to work

stronger as a team

their confidence in Kirk

and in each other

in themselves

and somehow the world

that things might get shitty

and things might fall apart

heartlife might be broken

without a way to restart

but that didn't matter

because now is right now

they were hungry to be

and life gave them chow.


	42. xli odysseus

That night before warping

Jim and Spock shared a dream

of two stone cold black dragons

facing them breathing steam

between dragons were waters

of pulverized Earth

and in black maw of one dragon

blood of Vulcan's red dirt

the dragons transformed

to dread Skylla, Charybdis

the pulsar rays deadly

the black hole infinite

then three others emerged

Skylla faced as Khan-Marcus

Nero's grief ravaged hate

as the face of Charybdis

they were trapped in the waters

the screaming war wind upon them

crewmen thrown from the vessel

the hull wrecked, helm broken

thunder and space lightning

false torpedoes and fire

volcanoes, brimstone and ash

leapt high as their pyre

when the war wind stopped blowing

grief wind rose as dread spirit

carrying the broken ship

with Kirk, Spock, crew in it

back to the monsters

as Nero-black-hole roared

and Khan-Marcus the hydra

malevolently gored

the remains of the _Enterprise_

and Charybdis then swallowed

and they were all falling

when suddenly, the hollow

hand of the ancients

Odysseus, red bearded

tired, shattered and wasted

from hunger, war, fear, dread

caught Jim's hand, who held Spock

who grasped lemon tree's branches

they held on there until

the monsters vomited

Odysseus jumped onto

the broken mast-keel

Jim and Spock found the _Enterprise_

renewed but unhealed

they extended hand to the hero

who looked so alone

without his fine warriors

whose war-souls were thrown

to the high house of Hades

for following this one man

who inspired great epics

as he sought his homeland

Odysseus grimly accepted

and they set out to sea

so they bypassed the years

restored to Penelope

her beloved lost husband

seven years early.

Thirteen years is a lifetime

ten years for a war

three years caught in hubris

that faded as each oar

of his ship became empty

unmanned, underscored.

Jim and Spock, upon waking

remembered the taste of the dream

remembered smell of the lemons

above screaming sea

remembered dragons and monsters

but forgot much the rest

content to find hands

entwined, wrist to wrist.


	43. xlii the man trap

The last mission I tell is much like the first

mission recounted in another universe

they put the ship into orbit around planet M-113

to check on the health of the archeological team

there was Dr. Kratir of Andoran descent

and Dr. Nan-Chi whose life work had lent

startling insights on the decay of old species

the team studied extinction of advanced pre-warp beings

when the away team beamed down, the dig was a-flurry

someone had discovered a something, that could be

the last remains of this remarkable species

Jim ordered assistance; Sulu led a team

to help excavation, while Chekhov stayed to beam

supplies and extra medical personnel

Bones and Christine brought equipment to help

Uhura coordinated, took the conn, held the chaos

that characterizes a discovery's seance

Scotty and Keenser helped her keep ship controls

Carol and Darwin stood with Giotto on patrol

0718 stayed with Sulu and used his compass head

to guide them through tunnels, for the first time he led

Drs. Kratir and Nan-Chi couldn't contain their excitement

these tunnels glowed programs and would bring such enlightenment

on questions about growth, damage, sustainability

between tech development, resources, and toxicity

each extinct advanced species had shown signs of decay

but what led to extinction? no one cause could claim

as definitive factor that put ambitions to rest

from expanding, exploring, to survival at best

Spock stayed on the surface and talked to the archeological team

discussed research while Bones examined everyone, everything

it was then that Bones noticed sharp nutritive deficiencies

in everyone's blood- nothing serious, but worrying

Christine administered booster shots and a dose

of lime juice to keep scurvy off their list to diagnose

"Spock!" Jim shouted, "You've got to see this to believe-"

Spock ran to his captain as the team re-emerged

with the first artifacts, the strange fruits of their search

over the next 72 hours everyone worked in shifts

to clean, classify, record, repair, rescue, refit

pre-warp technology which they found ran on salt

using ion cascades as the power default

can you imagine the thrill? can you imagine the start-

ling realization that they could connect to a part

of this dead, disappeared people through the machines left behind

programmed in language unknown for purposes undefined?

The captain asked for Uhura, Keenser, Chekhov, and Scotty

to lend their expertise in this venture enthralling

Dr. Nan-Chi and Madeleine decoded auxiliary systems

Dr. Kratir and Sulu ventured deeper in distance

until they came to a wall that offered resistance

0718 did deep tricorder scans and to his disbelief

there were life signs- a person

breathing shallow, core temp frozen, like a cryotube closed

the last of her species in frozen repose.

Sulu relayed coordinates, breathless, and Chekhov transported

Bones, Chapel, and Carol place cryotube in a biobed

while Kratir and Nan-Chi faced a question of conscience

do they attempt to revive her for the sake of their knowledge?

It would be, no doubt, a great opportunity

for the last person to speak, lend insight to theory

but a life is a life, with its pleasures and pains

what if she did not know that she alone remained

could they ask anyone to face that kind of death

for one day she must die, and all her kind with it

they found they could not, out of respect for the ghosts

they had faced in the years on their past mission posts

but on the other side of this death argument

was the one about life- was it life then to spend

the rest of her time until the cryotube failed

a silent specimen of study, her cold sleep now a jail?

would not anyone take a chance to see life

after sleeping the centuries, hoping for better times?

they could never predict her reactions and thoughts

if she chose to sleep more, they'd respect that for aught

if she wanted to live, they'd provide life support

and respect what she wanted, even their mission abort

so they decided to chance it, but before that, they needed

a way to communicate so her desires could be heeded

Spock touched the tube and felt the thrum of old dreams

withdrew to his quarters to prepare his mind for extremes

the rest of the team stayed on task to decode

the technology and her nutritional nodes.

When time came she unfroze, her tentacles clung to Spock

she gasped for salt water and body went in shock

Spock began screaming, "the sea, the sea, the sea-

It's gone now, it's covered with nothing, deceased!"

Bones sprang into action:

"Get her into a tank of water with epsom salt

monitor her ion intakes and add whatever we've got!

We missed the goddamned obvious- the ion cascades!

This planet was under a huge ocean unmade

find the cause why it's gone and you'll find why they decayed."

Scotty worked on his instincts, submerged machines in salt water

they whirred to new life, emitted light in soft colors

Nyota looked at her and her colors changing on each side

she theorized their language was in the colors applied

Spock breathed deep and opened his eyes in wide shock

"What is this? Where am I? What is this _walk_ and _talk_?

I can see in two bodies: one in water, one in dry

and another mind with me who connects us in psi."

Jim, Kratir, and Nan-Chi stood and witnessed in silence

Jim stepped forward and reached for Spock's hand, his eyes brilliant.

"I am James T. Kirk, the mind with you is Spock

will you tell us your name? would you be willing to talk

to us of your people for you're the last of your kind

we believe they died when your oceans declined."

"He lets me borrow his body. He sees in my mind

he feels my great sorrow- his is as deep as mine.

He says I can trust you for you too have once died

and spoken to dead peoples desiring to understand life."

And while speaking, her body changed colors in bursts

Nyota recorded to understand her words

while Christine continually added a mixture of salts

this life form desperately needed after years in her vault

Meanwhile Bones and Scotty conferred with the other teams

to warn them that the machines leached their body, blood clean

of ions to feebly power their work

which explained the deficiencies Bones discovered at the first.

Carol and Chekhov were the first to rewire

a machine in the water it opened and fired

a glowing model of their undersea city

which spanned a huge circle of coral-basalt buildings.

Sulu stayed planetside, ordering halt to the dig

until he heard back from the _Enterprise_ bridge

while Keenser tinkered to find a way to revive

the remains of the city.

He theorized that this coral is a hive

a spectrum of species building calcium nests.

Perhaps under the shells was something that possessed

faint life signs, for if something was taking ions in blood

that implied a need for food in the bud.

"We were destroyed in our oceans in the course of the planet's cycle

but we also contributed to our own early demise

our machines used sea ions and produced heat in excess

this didn't matter at first, but with time it accumulated

the temperature of the waters rose, other species began dying

we didn't think much of it, believing progress answers all things

and perhaps we would have found a solution but it happened

that under our planet's crust volcanic activity increased

heating the waters until finally catastrophe

changed our oceans to steam, killing huge swaths of people

and the remnant were ill, living in boiling waters

barely surviving each day.

The volcanoes were ceaseless for a few thousand years.

In that process everything dried up, land appeared

I was not supposed to survive; we did not know if the technology

would work but either way we had to take a chance to see.

We were once numberless, the rulers of our seas

now I am only one after thousands of years sleeping."

Then after struggling to speak, she abruptly expired

her colors went blanks and she ceased to respire

some thousands years sleeping, then waking in shock

was too much to handle for her internal clock

Spock slumped next to her, their psi points still connected

for a moment he followed her death, then rejected

that path for faint brightness of life like light dawn

reemerged surrounded by his friends, every one

and one who was as precious as the blood in his heart

to stand with him in life and stand with him in dark

They didn't say much, but all eyes expressed relief

they quietly went on to work on the city reef.

Keenser's coral project didn't give any success

Sulu, Kratir, Nan-Chi buried her in the desert

Bones, Chapel and Carol made sure archeological crew

had plenty of salt and med supplies too

Scotty and Uhura wrapped up research committees

wished the scientists good luck, beamed up to resume duties

Chekhov was busy coordinating transporter times

but before they all warped out, they received one last message:

a request to come down and see this ineffable sight.

It was raining on planet

for the first time in years

in the rain, there was lowing

and somehow there appeared

migrating to new pasture

a huge buffalo herd

amidst the machines glowing

licking the salt coral stored

they kept moving

they didn't stay at

the salt lick overnight

the sound

and the _smell_ were

an incredible sight

perhaps several

millenia past

cephalopods covered this world

but today it was bison

evolution uncurls.


	44. xliii kalypso

The years they passed

on the five year space mission

which turned out to be seven

due to time traveling

The _Enterprise_ she

discovered new systems

mapped out new phenomena

mysteries unraveling

the crew worked hard

they played hard

they mourned and they grieved

for lost crew, for those who

in space were buried

By all counts the mission

was a stellar success

through the years

they grew closer

to the point they expressed

each other's sentences

anticipated plans

could foresee the stresses

and provide support then

but this is not the reason

they are well known to us

the fame of the _Enterprise_

comes from tlhIngan heart-trust.

Seven years after risking

their trip to the dead

seven years after sharing

the stories unsaid

seven years after Cirqce

planted seed of a plan

seven years after SeplH'ne

was executed

the ship was contacted

by Kalyqo, who led

the new tlhIngan wo'

for mNoS was dead.

They went

with great caution

with hope

and with gifts

with a thousand new stories

on the tip of their lips

they went

with experience

hard won

equipped

to manage all situations

be it trap

or true openness

The crew Kalyqo met

were the same as the stories

and yet totally different

somehow _more_ than the stories

their grief had defined them

made them listen, understand

that no matter how life spins

we all die in the end

but the years gave them extra

time passed to extend

another truth: we are living

and in life, there are friends;

there are lovers and wonders

cows, marvels and ghosts

the moment of standing

on a yellow sea coast

to cry or to laugh

that you are alive

that the waters are old

that one day you will die.

Somehow they became

more than sum of their griefs

more than sum of their seeing

a lot of strange things

more than sum of their species

more than sum of their parts

less than sum of all beings

less than sum of time's start

more or less

exactly who

they had potential to be

seven years

changed their lives

all this Kalyqo could see.

Before words could be spoken

before formalities could freeze

Kalyqo presented

five small lemon trees

planted by SeplH'ne

seven years ago

on tlhIngan soil

for her lover

the new voDleH

this same Kalyqo.

Captain Kirk understood

immediately

Commander Spock stepped forward

held ta'al

"I grieve with thee."

Kalyqo looked up

said in clear voice ringing

"You once told my lover

you came to start again

to build new beginnings

to find common ground to stand.

I now say your words

as a vow back to you:

if death must be that common ground

I will tread softly too."

Jim replied

"In the name of she who lived and guarded

every life and planted lemon trees

let things said here have proper weight

and face each other openly."

And so began the first meeting

between Federation and tlhIngan kind

there was a feast and challenges

to games of wrestling, running, archery, and mind

the _Enterprise_ and Qo'NoS both put forth

their best and brightest in spirit of good sport

thus easing tensions and proving to both worlds

that life thrives in diversity unfurled.

The greatest sight of all to them was when

Kalyqo brought the bow of SeplH'ne

her love had won her heart and soul the night

SeplH'ne strung bow, and shot the arrow clean

through head of twelve axes aligned in perfect row

and now Kalyqo strung bow for all to see

shot arrow through twenty axeheads for each

year she lost at war, imprisoned, sea.

The meeting brought no signings of treaties

they had no negotiations about space

they didn't speak of war, technology

that hard work would come after, first they found

a point of commonality, meeting place

to stand beside each other without fear.

This is why we remember the _Enterprise_

they risked their all on small, evaporating chance

to realize a peace between peoples

to end cold war and constant armament

they spoke and listened, and thlIngan saw honor

within their souls, their beings burning bright

now we have peace, and friendship there besides

the freedom to explore our own starlight.

After the feasts, the games, the ceremony

the stories flowed like wine

and so we sing.


	45. xliv perestroika

"I know you desire to ask me how I find

myself as voDelH when SeplH'ne was killed

and purges often swept our world to take

anyone with associations to

anyone imprisoned, heretical, exiled.

She told you of our children, my conscription

my disappearance from the records of our war.

She took huge risk in her self-mandated commission

in speaking, spreading wide the word of your

offer and the possibilities in store.

Our son was tortured, he jumped out of window down

his back was broken, he cannot walk but he

retains his mind, his brilliance and he works

to restore the honor of tlhIngans with disability

Our daughter was sent to Qolyma's prison camp

for five years, two years ago she was restored to me

she lost two fingers, was blinded in one eye

today she studies to become our emissary

she remembered most Nyota Uhura's song

and now desires to speak all manner of tongue.

I rule because, though politics abound

Qo'Nos has suffered much and we must unfreeze

the Thaw will come and with it come reforms

the question is, which reformations meet

the needs of tlhIngan, when honor's sword is rust

our laws and justice have lost all their meaning

our people yearn for greatness and to thrive

but how to build a path that will succeed?

I rule because my wife was prominent

in representing another path for us

I rule because my reputation is

solidified in twenty years of war service

Ten years I spent on ships within our fleet

based on Qo'NoS, living with SeplH'ne

was there when Nero destroyed our every warbird

seven years I spent imprisoned, forced to fight

to crush rebellions in our colonies

returned three years too late to find my love

had died, my children scattered like debris.

mNoS died two years ago by stroke

since then things have been slowly wakening

my power was not secure right then so I

waited before risking contacting

to speak to you who cost my love her life

for cause she'd long gave up on to hope

to speak to you who brought lemons and seeds-

do you know how widely spans the scope

of your interference of ten long nights, short days

imparted to us five years ago?

I will not deceive, our planet is in chaos

but I have ideas, very simple but not easy

I wish to turn our industry from war

and cultivate more manufacturing

I won't set up a personality cult

I'll try to dismantle some mNoS' sayings

that he was seven parts right and three parts wrong

so banish him as relic of past things

I'll realign our idea of good and bad

away from lines of warrior class to accept all

as making necessary contribution to

society, not matter background, mother, Hol

we've already begun to take down the labor camps

and deal publicly with legacy of that

silence will poison, but speech is too early

for those gripped in grief, two summers need combat

so that is why I asked you here today.

Some tlhIngans say, I am doing too much

destroying structure that they think necessary

we were so long supported by his rule

that some tlhIngans find a strange security

in mNoS absolute totalitarian arbitrary tyranny.

I do believe the future will be hard

that after Thaw comes anger, rebelling

distrust in anything I say or try to do

long bread lines, no food in this shock therapy

You'll offer help, because that is what you do

but this is deeper than economy

you cannot help us reconcile, we must

do it ourselves, though you might long to free

us from more long years of hardship.

If you will help, instead of aid, I ask for joint venturing.

To build a space station in Neutral Zone

of our joint efforts, staffed by tlhIngan and StarFleet

with aim to foster an alliance

and share our scientific discoveries

Let this be broadcast on our worlds as hope

and offer glimpse of our capability

and offer alternative pathways for

tlhIngan youth who wallow in stagnated unease

many will still choose to serve Qo'NoS

but some may choose to work within your Fleet

after angered grief, you must find fuel to live

let this dream fuel their future reveries.

Nyota Uhura, we ask for you to be

HoD tengchaH, in all manners oversee

you who always have the courage to speak first

who calls on Qun and can speak rhymes unrehearsed

who understands our ways: we would to you be

deeply honored, if you would to this agree."

Nyota stepped forward.

"You know as well as I this will take time

to negotiate between tlhIngan and Starfleet

I have my own obligations to

my captain, ship, and comrades, but I admit

I want to take your offer, so let us say

I vow to keep my promises today:

I promise to give of my very best

to communicate between our worlds' interests

I promise to fulfill my duties to

IDIC, keeping, peace, fostering new

bridges between two different ways of being

I promise to respect, even in disagreeing

I promise that, if this all comes to pass

I'll do my best to make our friendship last.

This I you vow, on honor of Nkishi

whose spirits now alights the five lemon trees."


	46. xlv glasnost

/

unwritten

\


	47. xlvi cloth

/

unwritten

\


	48. xlvii oath

_Heghlu'DI' mobbe'lu'chugh QaQpu' Hegh wanI'_

(Death is an experience best shared.)

There will always be those who mean to do us harm.

(I'm sorry.)

To stop them, we risk awakening the same evil within ourselves.

(I was hurting.)

Our first instinct is to seek revenge when those we love are taken from us.

(I risked us all, I risked myself.)

But that is not who we are.

(That is not who _I_ am.)

We are here today

(Please, stay with me tomorrow)

To rechristen the U.S.S. _Enterprise_

(This is our ship)

And to honor those who lost their lives

(This is our crew)

Nearly one year ago.

(This is our story)

When Christopher Pike first gave me his ship

(After Vulcan's death)

He had me recite the Captain's Oath.

(To remind me of life)

Words I didn't appreciate at the time.

(I know my abilities)

Now I see them as a call for us

(I know my limits)

To remember who we once were

(Here. Now.)

And who we must be again.

(Again.)

And those words:

(We are alive.)

Space, the final frontier.

(We will die.)

These are the voyages of the Starship _Enterprise_.

(The universe is older than us.)

Her five year mission

(Our story)

To explore strange new worlds

(Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combination)

To seek out new life and new civilizations

(First Contact)

To boldly go

(Prime Directive)

Where no one

(Peace, and long life)

Has gone before.

(Live long, and prosper.)

_Dif tor heh smusma._


	49. xlviii muse

Tell me, Muse, of the ship of many ways, which was driven

to far journeys. Many were they whose cities she saw

whose minds she learned of, whose lives she touched.

Many the pains she suffered in her spirit on the wide sea,

struggling for her life and the homecoming of her companions.

Even so, she could not save her companions, for grief

is hard and devours even the gods, and long was the day

before their homecoming. She could not save her companions,

but she preserved them and all others, fleeing from sheer destruction

to escape the sea and the fighting. Within the circling of the years

the very year in which the fates had spun for them their time

of homecoming: From some point here, goddess,

speak, and begin our story.


End file.
